Impuls Cellars 2009 Seattle 100 chardonnay

The local college football team will be heading down to San Diego so they can reenact the 56-21 debacle they suffered back in September, at home, against Big Red. The local pro football team, meanwhile, continues to torture its fanbase with its win-one, lose-one strategy. Thankfully, that should end soon as they have already reached their total win potential for the season. A sure sign of this occurred when the team’s running back had to personally injure his team’s best receiver, who was also the best player on the team. In wine blogger terms, we call that Seattle pro sports ‘typicity’.

As we end the year 2010, let’s also give a heave-ho to some terms that should never be utilized in a conversation ever again. Here is the list:

1. Slacks/trousers. What a waste of a substitution for “dress pants.” Slacks sounds like I’m wearing a slacker outfit. Trousers reminds me of clown-wear at some Barnum & Bailey ceremony.

2. Seepage. It just sounds crusty. Like the result of eating too much of those fat-substitute potato chips. Sorbitol’s Revenge. Skidmarks. Yellow spot.

3. Crux. Let’s just get to the heart of the matter…this sounds like a person’s “crack.” It’s like asking a kid if he/she wiped his/her crux after dropping a deuce.

4. Semen. Those Navy jokes have run its course. Calling millenials for an update, they responded with novel replacements. Joy juice. Jack juice. Jizz. Spunk. Splooge. Manjam. Oh no…this from a chemistry major: ammoniated pine sol. Maybe semen ain’t so bad after all. Sorry I asked.

5. And from our local sex hormone-deficient wine blogging community… Agreed!, Indeed!, V cool, Excellent!, etc. These hollow, plastic responses on Twitter are the sign of an ego-stroking, I-don’t-like-you-so-I’m-no-longer-including-you-in-my-Round-Up-blogpost, child-hunting immature personality that likely got beat up in the locker room one too many times until he started enjoying the punishment in high school. This type of individual also yearns after a rotten-fish-smelling, wrinkly-faced, self-proclaimed “I’m a social media expert!” WWU half-wit. My cantaloupe-sized nards are retreating back into my abdomen as I write this. Yiiiickkk.

6. Another wine blogger nuisance is “That said.” Are you just too cool to say “however”? I guess that your self gloating forces you into a Freudian slip, typing an erroneous “butt” instead of “but” so it’s just easier to say “that said.” Using that same reasoning, it’s also “agreed!” that it’s much easier to doppelbang someone because he/she looks like Mister/Miss “That Said.” There’s something inherently wrong about giving your own “double rainbow.”

But, I digress.

Well, tonight’s wine is a treat. I can only assume the winemaker did not hand out any freebies to winery-killing, freeloading wine bloggers and Twitter-hypesters.

Impuls Cellars is some sort of phantom-label winery that is really…UNMASKED!… Terra Blanca Vintners. This is not some typical second label. “A portion of the proceeds” is donated to support Seattle’s cultural art scene. As if King County’s “1% for the arts” program isn’t enough, this 4culture organization advocates “advancing community through culture.” A novel concept this is not; however, the King County cultural services agency is supported by a rather unusual conglomeration of techies and yuppies.

As for “Seattle 100,” this is an ongoing project by photographer Chase Jarvis that has culminated thus far in a coffee-table book of one hundred personalities/businesses the photographer finds intriguing, whatever that means.

This 4culture group has also tie-ins with Theo Chocolates (a 70% dark chocolate edition), and with Small-Lot Co-op, a little “exclusive wine club” in the Woodinville warehouse district where you have to be invited into.

This all smells of typical Seattle protocol.

Let’s get this straight. I’m all for the arts. A city/region without a vibrant arts community is a boring, lifeless metropolitan jail. Bothell comes to mind, as a matter of fact. Just who is this “4culture” arts agency anyway? And just what are the plans for the proceeds they receive from these partnerships? How much of the money will actually go to the arts, versus administrative costs? Is this some grand scheme to pad the pockets of a few? And why do I have to “invited” to a wine club? Is this to satisfy some sort of macabre “entitlement” persona? Would this even fly in outposts like…Grandview or Prosser? Too many questions unanswered.

So what? I bought the wine anyway. Support a Washington winery and the arts program in King County with one purchase. The black and white label is a modified knockoff of a Jones Soda front, but it works. There’s also a non-vintage red blend wine for a few bucks more. Heck, it’s only twelve bucks for this chardonnay.

Tonight’s food pairing was chicken marsala. A complementary pairing.

This is a pure example of what Seattle is about in 2010. Straightforward, varietally correct, simple flavors without any hint of glamour and glitz or insidious undertones. But, not a whole lot of oomph below the surface. What you see is what you get. A wine without pretensions. Smart, but without the Mensa branding. Utilitarian without being authoritarian.

Tasted at 42-54 degrees on the IR temp gun, straight-up brilliant light straw in the Riedel with aromas of pear and green apples at the cusp. On the palate, crisp (acidic) and a bit sloggy, that leads to flavors of (best above 54 degrees) peach, pear, melon, a spritz of Meyer lemon, and grapefruit. Great with chicken. Great with chips. Keith Pilgrim, the winemaker, produces another winner of a wine.

Alcohol: 13.5%. Everything about the wine on both the front and back labels ring true. This would make a great gift for someone in the lower 47. I’m surprised the Made In Washington stores did not pick this up. Rated: 89 (88-90). Paid: $12. Value: $15. Music pairing: “Party Doll” by Buddy Knox. This is WAwineman…uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.

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