Kirkland Signature 2009 Columbia Valley merlot

Omg! Local wine bloggers have infiltrated other cities. A British tourist flew to Philadelphia to get a…butt implant. Butt, complications from the silicone injection led to her death. Somebody check if Margot is still alive. After evacuating customers, a Bank of America branch at a mall in southwest Miami called on the bomb squad to defuse a suspicious package. After a bomb-detection robot failed to detonate the box, it was found to contain rotted entrails of chicken and goat. Now, when I heard “the stench was strong enough to clear the parking lot,” how could I not think, “wow, Paul Gullivan was in town checking out the vineyards of Dade County.” Speaking of stinky boxes, the latest fad to hit the Los Angeles area is called “chai yok.” That’s Korean for…vaginal steam baths. This basically involves sitting on a bottomless stool over a pot of boiling water laced with a plethora of herbs. A 45 year-old hoochie mama (probably Babs Evans) proclaimed it reduced her body aches from getting run over in roller derby and she actually grew visible boobs on her 2-by-4 plank of a body. Over in New Mexico, a 28 year-old mother was given a yogurt sample at a farmer’s market and she immediately thought it was “gross and disgusting” and said “it tasted like semen.” Police sent samples to a lab and it was confirmed to contain ‘joy juice’. And I thought Sean said he liked the taste…

Google chose to honor today by celebrating the birth of Jules Verne. Who? You mean the dude sidekick of Ernest P. Worrell in those pathetic redneck commercials? Or, was it Larry Verne, who hit it big with the no.1 song, “Mr. Custer” back in 1960? Well, whatever. Just don’t mention this day to Delawarians as that State voted to reject the Thirteenth Amendment back in 1865. The Amendment was ratified a couple weeks later and slavery was abolished within the freshly-healing post-Civil War United States. Delaware did formally ratify the 13th Amendment in 1901. Better late than never.

All of you out there know of a wine snob. They are pernicious little pricks posing as some “authority” on wines, and they expect that other wine bloggers and readers know their role and fall back in the pecking order. One clown resorts to his “I’ve been writing on wine for over 30 years” while readjusting his toupee. It’s not about how long you’ve been in it. Another buffoon claims to report on Washington, yet a majority of his posts focus on a teeny, overpriced area that Josh refers to as the “perineum of Spokane.”

Whoever or whatever, let’s be clear on this one issue: they judge wines based on free sips and expect you to buy wines based on their recommendations from these sips. That’s all fine and dandy if that’s how YOU drink your wine. Fact is, I don’t know of anyone who is a regular “tasting room rabbit,” hopping from one counter to the next, all in an effort to claim they’ve “tasted” the most wines in order to legitimize their feeble, impotent writings. Sorry, I lied…winepeeps.

Anywho, winemakers frown upon such tactics by these nobodies. These simpleton know-it-all-while-knowing-nothings that pass through (and often request “free” bottles for samples or expect a special barrel-tasting) instead are fronting for a most disturbing upbringing. You can spot them easily from their insipid blog sites. Do I really need to see a big, discolored, Photoshop’d picture of an ugly mug? Which leads me to: what’s up with the dorky picture of a blog author squinting at a wine glass at full arm’s length? Really? Do I really care about your “methods” when I, as a reader, should easily discern what level of bias is tainting the opinions (get a clue… “sample” is the same as free wine, so do not pontificate on the virtues of “QPR” when the wine was not even paid for)? Let me guess then that such bloggers also are able to “easily” describe a sunset and can analyze a Van Gogh painting as “a swath of blue, black, and yellow.” Also let me gather that such bloggers believe in “speed dating” over a meaningful relationship.

Skilled wine bloggers understand their audience. They have the same opportunity to buy the same wines from the same outlets at the same price. They understand that wine is not only a food, but it is a living (or dying) organism and has a symbiotic relationship with many other nutritional substances, while attaining a synergistic attachment to a select few on the food chart. They also understand that the feelings and flavor interpretations they receive, more than likely, will not transfer completely to most of their readers. Hence, why bother with the recycled “poetry” of feebly describing the nuances of the wine AND why cry about wanting credit for it when wineries utilize reviews for marketing purposes? Crap like garrigue, quince, graphite, pain grille, animal, etc. Seriously, really? Small-time, frustrated old cranks.

For some odd reason, the 2008 version of this wine found a spot on a “top-100” list, which I found quite dubious. Too mouth-puckering and charred. This year’s version, from the same location in “Paterson, WA” (I only know of one producer out there—Columbia Crest), produced similar tasting notes, but with maybe not as strong off-flavors. I’m trying to be nice here because Kirkland Signature is the house brand for Costco Wholesale and the company is all about delivering value for the money. No one’s perfect all the time, but they keep trying.

Tasted at 59-61 degrees on the IR temp gun. Color: purple-black. Nose: blackberry, black cherry. Mouthfeel: tangy and a little alcohol heat. Tail trail: 4 seconds. Flavors: blackberry charcoal, plum.

Alcohol: 14.5%. Wahluke Slope AVA. Cellared and bottled by DC Flynt MW Selections. Rated: 85. Paid: $9. Value: $8. Music pairing: “Over And Over” by Bobby Day (no video). This is WAwineman…uncorked, uneducated but bot uncouth.

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3 Responses to Kirkland Signature 2009 Columbia Valley merlot

  1. Jerry Harrod - VP/Sales Moon Distributors says:

    Is this wine available for wholesaler in Arkansas to purchase? Have received some request from some of our retailers.

  2. wawineman says:

    This wine was released in late January/early February and was quickly hoarded by Costco members. The stocks at each Costco generally last about a month, no more than two.

    This Columbia Valley version is a regional release, meaning only select Costco warehouses (mostly along the west coast) made this available.

    This is all moot, as Costco does not sell its Kirkland Signature wines to anyone outside of Costco.

    I will make an assumption that Washington/Oregon wines are not well represented in the great Southeastern U.S. If that’s the case, this wine would be a revelation compared to California and international brands so I can understand if your retailers are noticing a demand for this strong player in the “value” category of wines.

    As an altenative, I would suggest similarly priced (quality) merlots from medium-to-large producers such as Chateau Ste. Michelle, Columbia Winery, Columbia Crest (Two Vines, and especially the Grand Estates line), Barnard Griffin Winery (Tulip Series lineup), and Sagelands Winery (Precept Wines). Of these, my recommendation is the Columbia Crest Winery Grand Estates wines.

    Here is the link: http://www.columbiacrest.com/grandEstates/

    Hope this helps.
    Next time you’re in the area, let me know. I can give you a tour as well as try this wine as I have a few in storage.

    Thanks for asking!
    WAwineman

  3. wawineman says:

    Jerry,

    After checking on the Columbia Crest Winery website, they do not ship to Arkansas. Neither does Chateau Ste. Michelle. That hints to me that Arkansas’ wine shipping laws must be very tight.

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