MILF admirers rejoice! A CA winery, Clos Lachance, is asking a judge to declare that it’s “Mommyjuice” wine does not infringe on another trademarked wine, “Mommy’s Time Out,” marketed by a Connecticut-based distributor. Both wineries use the fanciful name to front a white and red wine; however, the front label art differs where “Mommyjuice” displays a drawing of a woman juggling a home, a teddy bear, and a computer while “Mommy’s Time Out” shows an empty red chair facing a corner and a table with a wine bottle and wine glass on it. Typical trademark-violation cases place the burden on the
owner to prove that the defendant’s product will create confusion for the consumer. Basically, the question is “Is ‘mommy’ distinctive enough to be a ‘strong mark’ and that it symbolizes the maker of the product?” Readers are familiar with two cases: the first one dating back to 1910 and Italian Swiss Colony’s “Tipo” name, and the more recent Kendall Jackson loss in federal court to Gallo’s ‘Turning Leaf’ wines. Whatever the outcome, I have a facepalm-difficult time why anyone would name their wine…mommyjuice, without connoting some really disgusting alternate-meaning. Why not choose “gfjuice” instead? Hullo?! I’d be the first to review it! Why, I can already imagine the flavor descriptors of “mildly acidic, ripe peach, a *pop!* of cherry and with a hint of acetic acid.” Of course, if it’s seattlewinehooch, it would be more like “douchebag rubber, cottage cheese, rust, and fermented anchovies with a plume of queef.”
Did you get your invitation to William and Kate’s wedding also? I got mine from an email originating in Nigeria and includes a six-pack of this. A London brewery, Brewdog, has created the world’s first beer adulerated with Viagra. Three bottles will equal the potency of one “little blue pill” to offset the alcohol-induced “stunting abilities.” The beer, a 40-bottle production, contains 7.5% ABV and will be named “Arise Prince Willy” and “Celebrate Big Willy Style.” Release date is wedding day, April 29. Hey David, Cheryl told me to get a cold pack for your wedding present. Cheryl, uh I don’t think David needs it…wedding night?? Uh-oh, my rotary phone just rang…Sean’s begging me to get a case for his boyfriend. Sean, isn’t your winedaddy too old to get it up anymore? Just sayin’.
Getting back to fanciful names… what is up with this “Walla Voila” deal? Oh, voila is a French term for “here it is.” Okay, so then I looked up “walla” and found this—“Walla is a word used by retarded Americans who don’t know any foreign languages and barely know their own.” I can’t make this stuff up, folks, but you know I have a big, wide grin on my mug right now. So then, I interpret this fanciful name as “Retarded Americans, here it is!” I think Marty needs to send this back to committee.
Then again, if “Walla Voila” is a play on the hamlet, Walla Walla, is it describing the natives there as DOUBLY RETARDED? Hey, Walla Walla wineries are encroaching on my turf in Woodinville, not the other way around. And, Walla Walla wineries enlisted the help of an asexual wine-mooching blogger, but obviously to no influence as evidenced by the exodus/demise of wineries there.
Then there’s this perception that this is a wine made from Walla Walla grapes. It is not. The listed AVA is Columbia Valley, which is true. The whole truth is the grapes come from Willard Family Farms (not listed on the front or back labels), which lies in the Rattlesnake Hills AVA.
We now come to the wineman’s deft extrapolation of logic. The Ratt Hills is effectively controlled by its “father,” Bonair Winery’s Gail Puryear. Those who know him or read his blog know he has some firm opinions and also has the seniority, making wines dating back to the polyester period. Compare/contrast with Marty the Texan, who has sat on every influential position in big Washington wine organizations, but had a rumored tiff with
Family Wineries of Washington (FWWA). Bonair Winery is one of the many member wineries in FWWA. I don’t think we need to play ‘Charades’ to figure out why the listed AVA is Columbia Valley anymore. Sour grapes? Hatfields and McCoys? Lakers and Celtics? Moe and Curly Joe?
As for chenin blanc in Washington, we lost 400 acres of it last year alone. It’s a dying varietal. It’s not a high-scoring wine. As for spring wines, it becomes lost in a sea of rosés. The only real hope is that Chateau Ste. Michelle continues to grow it for its hedonistic late-harvest version. The problem with chenin blanc here is that this is riesling country, and I will leave it at that. Chenin blanc will become an entry primarily for obscure varietals that caters to fans that want to flex their wine-knowledge muscle. Hey, I ain’t hating on chenin blanc; I’m just stating market dynamics.
It’s white wine…must mean another journey to generic gringo Chinese fast-food establishment. Yeppers. A safe play.
Tasted at 46-63 degrees on the IR temp gun. Light gold in Riedel, emanating aromas of lemon blossom, green melon, and hay lead to a light, syrupy feel and subsequent flavors of tangerine and honeydew melon.
Alcohol: 13.5%. No winery notes so I’m guessing, from the 2007 sheet, this was from 1979-planted vines and is 100% varietal. Some sweetness (around 1.2%), about 1500 cases, and a fairly acidic wine (pH<3.5). Held in my cellar over a year to observe effect of aging—advice: drink as soon as you get it as there’s no benefit to maturing this one. Rated: 89. Value: $11. Paid: $15. Music pairing: “Just A Gigolo” by David Lee Roth (and Louis Prima). This is WAwineman…uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.