A WAwineman classic, 1st posted on May 26, 2010:
A 72 year-old physician at Harborview Medical Center was charged with trading sex with a 22 year-old for…of all things, prescriptions for controlled substances. Never mind the fraudulent part of this bizarre coupling, just look at its face value…72 and 22. We’re talking dried mushrooms, folks. I doubt even o.d.’ing on that “little blue pill” could resuscitate a little smokie. Just imagine he’s on top and his dentures fall out while he’s…oh the agony!
So, here’s some manly tips from your wawineMAN to help you traverse the playing field as you hope to sow your seeds. First of all, men, you need to understand that women have a language all their own. You cannot find it in a dictionary, you just need to hear it from an “experienced” manly man like yours truly. Take copious notes.
“Fine” is the word women use to end an argument when they think they are right and you need to shut up. “Five Minutes” means half an hour when she is getting dressed. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before cleaning up the house. “Nothing” is a warning of calm before the storm. A big argument is approaching. Arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end with “fine.” “Go ahead” is a dare, not a permission. Don’t do it. “Loud Sigh” is actually a word disguised as a non-verbal statement. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about “nothing.” “That’s okay” is DEFCON 5 to men. That means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. “Thanks” is actually really a mention of gratitude. This is not to be confused with “thanks a lot”, which is pure sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. Do not reply “You’re welcome” or you will receive this… “whatever” which is a woman’s way of saying “(eff) off!” “Don’t worry about it, I got it” is said when a woman has told a man several times to do a chore, but is now doing it herself. This ultimately results in the man asking “What’s wrong?” only to be rebutted with “nothing.”
I had this recently when a guy was thinking of marrying his longtime girlfriend. He was told, “Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?” A woman intelligently fired back, “Why buy the entire pig just to get a little sausage?” Ouch. And, remember that women think of you in comparison to: (Men are like…)
Laxatives…they irritate the crap outta you
Bananas… the older they get, the less firm they are
Weather… nothing can be done to change them
Blenders… you need ONE, but you’re not quite sure why
Chocolate bars… sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips
Commercials… you can’t believe a word they say
Department stores… their clothes are always ½ off
Government bonds… they take sooooooo long to mature
Mascara… they usually run at the first sign of emotion
Popcorn… they satisfy you, but only for a little while
Snowstorms… you never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get, or how long it will last
Lava lamps… fun to look at, but not very bright
Parking spots… all the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
Canoe Ridge Estate vineyard is located at the southwestern edge of the Horse Heaven Hills and the fruit makes up 70% of the source of this 100% chardonnay. Ethos is Greek for “character” and this wine defines the goal of this lineup of low-production wines with a distinct European-style of elegance and finesse.
Alcohol: 14.1%. TA 0.55. pH 3.44. Columbia Valley AVA. 1/3 of the blend underwent ‘natural fermentation.’ 82% new and 1 year-old French oak. Aged 100% sur lie for nine months. MLF also took place to add softness, balance, and depth. Originally rated: 0. Paid: $24. Music pairing: “Sweet Talking Guy” by The Chiffons. This is WAwineman…uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.
5/27: this wine is under suspicion of being corked. Will try a 2007 to confirm. Stay tuned. A 24-hour post opening taste revealed a rather unpleasant stink. Not wet cardboard, not wet dog. More of sewage. Just enough to feed my next poor review…
6/7: tasted at the winery. Now confirmed my bottle was spiked with hydrogen sulfide. Still, while my female cohort thought it was the best of the four choices (the others being: pinot gris, pinot noir, and Cold Creek merlot), I preferred the merlot. Flavors of green apple, melonball, and a subtle stinkiness that I didn’t care for. Tasting room score of 87. Value: $11.