Southard Winery 2009 untitled no. 1 Columbia Valley white wine

‘The hell is going on in our part of the world?? From the east coast, Pelosi requests pulling Weiner from her Congress. A 40 year-old Florida woman was arrested for packing six racks of ribs and two packs of oxtails in her purse from a supermarket. She did pay a buck-seventy-three for the clearance condoms… Neighbors in Ohio settle differences not via arbitration or fisticuffs, they just fling dog poo at each other. This got the attention of
a researcher in Japan who creates ‘artificial meat’ product from, now stop eating when you read this, extract of sewage mud. Yep, you read that right. Watch the video if you can stomach it. Look at that turd burger!

From the left coast, well, we all know what good sports those Canucks are up north in Vancouver. Enuff said. Then there’s them perv Californicators…students at Big Bear High School were forced to return their yearbooks due to a pornographic photo of a 17 year-old boy sticking his hand down the pants of a 15 year-old girl that may involve sexual penetration. Is this an example of what it means to have entered the ‘digital era’? Classic
Orygunian… a 21 year-old redneck was caught on camera pissing into the reservoir that supplies Portland’s drinking water, forcing authorities to drain the entire 7.8 million gallon reservoir. The chief administrator was heard to say he didn’t want human intervention between him and beaver piss, goose turd, and deer pellets. And, leave it to a Washingtonian to have the honors when a Memphis elementary school class bestowed its 2011 hero medal to a 92 year-old Shoreline man for using his dentures to chew through the duct tape which he was bound with when thieves tied him to a kitchen chair. This makes as much sense as those stupid wine awards…

Again picking on those King Rib-munchin’ scallywags across the pond… a 38 year-old South Yorkshire man found the ultimate cure for a painful wart on his finger. After loading up on cheap beer, he fired his 12-bore Boretta shotgun at the wart and effectively removed both the wart and the top of his middle finger. Let’s hope he grows a wart on his teabag and uses the same technique for removal so it will no longer be possible for him to
reproduce.

I just got word that Sean Sullivan of the Washington Wine Report has filed Chapter 11. In turn, I asked how could she tell since I thought he was mentally-bankrupt since last November’s elections. She said something about a lack of asexual tweets since the 11th. I responded that well, maybe he finally found a real job like that phreak tweak FORMER-wine-blogger, vintology. Whatever. Hey, the Twittersphere just got a little more real so all those ego-strokers have to find someone else to massage their two-inch penis. Agreed! Indeed! Fuhhhhh-k, shutup at last.

Southard Winery is a small, family-run winery in Selah, northwest of Yakima (the city). Scott Southard (male, 32) is the winemaker and you may know him from his former outfit, making the wines with Ben Grossman at Kana Winery. This Selahite reportedly formerly coached soccer (or was it swimming?) for the Selah Dolphins and enjoys scrubbing barrels for fun. Scott majored in theater in Huskyland and notes Gilbert Gottfried, Verne Troyer, Carrot Top, Zach Galifianakis and Moe Howard among his favorite actors. Sounds like he got confused with the starting lineup of his college basketball team.

Well, whatever. Southard’s second lineup was recently offered to the mailing list in mid-May and the official release weekend in early June culminated with a Roman orgy…of food, music and Ben Grossman doing the Dougie. Rumors of Tedd Wildman, aka Perfectionist Vineyard Evangelist for Stone Tree Vineyard, unbuttoning his Levi’s and impersonating M. Taylor Moore (spotted Izod polo shirt included) are unfounded.

This year’s four offerings total 443 cases, a monster amount compared to some of my earlier winery reviews. Included are: a 2008 Whipping Boy cabernet sauvignon ($25, 144 cases) single-sourced from Lawrence Vineyard and aged in 225 liter French oak; a 2009 Lawrence Vineyard roussanne ($20, 169 cases); 2009 Columbia Valley riesling ($18, 108 cases) blended from the estate vineyard and Lawrence; and this unique blend.

Their wines are actually found in all the notable smaller, independent wine shops in the Puget Sound area and are easy to find due to the tall, skinny bottle (eg. Mosel, Alsace) the wines are housed in. The front label is plain and simple. No rainbow colors like Kana. No critters, catchy names, or red bicycles.

Southard’s wines have been poured at events, but not this wine. A total of 22 cases were produced and all too likely, were snapped up by the mailing list. Face it, if a winery cannot sell 22 cases of wine to its mailing list, there’s no hope.

Of note, this is the first Washington wine I have slogged that contains Red Traminer. Also called Savagnin Rose, this is a genetically unstable mutation of either Traminer or Sauvignon Blanc. From there, wine pundits believe it further mutated to a highly aromatic strain that we now call Gewürztraminer. That’s a clue.

Food pairing was pork cutlet, corn-on-the-cob, and Newtons Fruit Thins. Decent, except for bad chemistry with the corn.

Tasted at 54-63 degrees on the IR temp gun. Color: light butter. Nose: soft white flowers, biscuit dough, very slight reductivity, mild orange and peach blossoms. Smells like a muted riesling. Good heft on the palate. Tail trail: 4 seconds. Flavors: citrus and apple, tangerine, peach, baking spices, and a dash of white pepper. Dry.

Alcohol: 14.5% (can’t feel it). “A field blend of riesling, sauvignon blanc, and red traminer.” Aged in once-used acacia barrel. Lightly fined. Bottled in October (2010). Rated: 88. Value: $13. Paid: $20. Again, 22 cases produced. Not apologizing for this one as everyone had a shot at this. I just hope you got yours as, if for nothing else, this may be your only chance to sample Washington-grown Red Traminer. “Dedicated to Gordon Greimes.” Music pairing: “Love In America” by JTX. This is WAwineman…uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.

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2 Responses to Southard Winery 2009 untitled no. 1 Columbia Valley white wine

  1. Chris says:

    The questions are.. who is growing the Red Traminer? How did you acquire this bottle of wine, and who the heck allowed you into Selah?

  2. wawineman says:

    Well well well, if it isn’t Washington’s very first ZOMBIE wine blogger!

    I was on the way to pay a visit to your estancia but the Southard boys invited me over for a potlatch and I overstayed my invite since the wine was so good!

    I could tell you who grows Red Traminer, but then I’d have to make you kiss Syphilis WineGal, aka the Kiss of Death.

    Homeboy, you’ve lost your edge. I read up on The Leadership Principles of Saddam bin Laden and am currently taking over the Yakima Valley AVA wine coverage from you.

    Selah will be the location of my provincial office after paying off the officials there. This bottle of wine was a gift of welcoming me to the area. It was quite an elaborate ceremony that the natives proffered. You wouldn’t understand since you’re from Big Red land, which is now part of the Missouri Ocean. But, I digress…

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