For probably the only time this year, all Seattleites can proudly proclaim their undefeated professional baseball team owns the best record in the league! One down and only 161 games to go, boys. Why, even the cooties down in Pioneer Square are talkin’ World Series. It’s always like this in March, you know, when all of Puget Sound thinks the World Series should be played after watching their beloved Mariners beat up on the other team’s minor league prospects down in Arizona. Kinda like those Huskies basketball fans who think winning a Pac-12 championship is an automatic entry to the NCAA championship. Oops! Inyaface, losers. Tiger Woods is the gift that keeps on giving. As if driving into a stationary fire hydrant was a consolation for avoiding a tongue-lashing from his former wife for his road trip trysts, it appears three of those pornstars have made an X-rated movie detailing their encounters with the ex-Navy SEAL-wannabe golfin’ gangsta and providing explicit demonstrations of what went on behind those penthouse hotel doors. There is no truth to the rumor that any of the pornies are named “Sean Sillyvain,” “Joshua Nectarsucker,” or “Ben Slime-ons.” A lawsuit filed by 126 former players against the NFL claims the plaintiffs suffered “repeated traumatic injuries to (the) head.” Those players were inspired by a recent lawsuit filed by former readers of Walla Walla (free) wine report, Queenie’s wine update, Write (illegibly) for wine, and Seattle Wineho for indentical injuries.
Much to my dismay, it’s time for that segment of the show we politely call “Reader Feedback.” We here at world headquarters get tons of responses from all social media portals and we do our best to reply to all of them. The following were our gaffers and best boy picks of the month.
To start, let’s get us in the mood with a poem by a winemaker of big destruction (take your time reading this): WAwineman gives us man wine, Syrah and hurrahs abound, Idiot wine bloggers professing silly, Token wine tips to be found; Man, Wineman, it’s really Man Wine; Fleshy, tasty and smiles, You add to my waist, Although, thankfully, rarely in good taste; What about those tasting room pimps and hos? Doesn’t scream wine, man; Describing a wine sucking, Read over and over again; Man wine, Wineman, brings us man wine; Joke about funnies, Sharing a counter with hunnies; Interviews with wineman homies; Man wineman, getting the scoops on great Red Mountain wine, From a winemaker whose lady fans are so fine; Only adds the respect we feel; For the man wine, Wineman; Thanks Wineman, for man wine, man!
From AntOne: “Awesome! Your blog brings us the common thread that binds our great nation. The free spirit! I hope your blog spawns others to sponsor, develop, and initiate more of the same. What a refreshing break from the constant string of wine blogger yippies, winery blogs, stinky wine commission flacks, and Paul Gregutt …sticking shit up our ass. Sorry. Thanks for being the Skrillex of drunkenness and debauchery. You are the wings beneath my Carlo Rossi and my need to see more semi-naked women at release parties.” (AntOne, congratulations, you have earned the blog’s first reader award—the Raidoree. Bronzez partout avec Raidoree! I can’t think of a more deserving reader.)
From Scott: “The only way I can describe the feeling I get when I read your blog on my newsfeed is to say that it’s the same way I feel …when a unicorn is somewhere crapping a rainbow.” (Scott, this just confirms you are at another level when it comes to fine wines. You can take that as an unintended compliment… if you wish.)
From Christophe: “All right. I read your blog all the time, but I gotta ask: What effin bet did you lose to go to that wine buggers conference in Walla Walla?” (Answer: I think you’re the only one that read about my trevails there. Point.)
From Patrick Hong: “Woodinville is not a wine destination like Walla Walla. It’s a backward village. Wine destinations are designated by fruity wine bloggers approved by the local wine commission. You should make the correction.” (Well, listen Patty, wine destinations lack other distinctions that make them very different from Walla Walla such as, Woodinville does not have exposed men-ass while they walk down Main Street. We don’t have wine bongs in tasting rooms, or old guys wearing nothing but lemons hanging off their banana hammocks. Woodinville doesn’t have women with strap-ons serving you wine. Guys with pornstaches and short-shorts doing jumprope and dweebishly tweeting “Agreed!” or “Hooray!” or people dressed as a giant penis. So sorry, Pushead, if I misled people for not being more specific. Woodinville is not a wine destination. Woodinville is a wine party town. Walla Walla is a freakfest.)
From Jameson: “You know about that news segment where you always rip on wine bloggers? You should rename it, ‘She’s not hot and He’s a twat!’ and the first winner could be those idiots, Anny and Sean.” (Well, Jamie, that’s a little bit mean-spirited but will be considered. By the way, are you a female or a she-male? I can’t tell from your greasy hair mugshot and penchant for Virginia wines.)
From anonymous wine student: “Hey! I’m a student at the wine academy and I thought I would help you make your blog more educational. The bumps around a woman’s nipple on her areola are called the “tubercles of Montgomery.” Us guys in the wine cellar affectionately call them ‘Toms’. Thanks for your blog and now your blog can be seen as an educational blog. Keep up the good work, buddy.” (-_-)
From Lisa Shart-Hall: “I dont expict you to reed this email but I wanna say sumthing. This is the most stoopid and ridickulus blog that I has ever read.” (Lisa: Thank you!)
WineGirl Wines is a nano-winery owned and run by UW MBA graduate, Angela ‘WineGirl’ Jacobs, 31, and her partner Jonathan (aka “Javier”). Angela’s journey began, and ohh how I can relate, with a bottle of Archery Summit pinot noir while working part-time to pay her college bills. She then chose to walk on the wine path and worked at wineries around the Pacific Rim before returning to work in Oregon, where she picked up the fine art of lab analysis before returning to Seattle. In 2006, she setup her garage-winery in the quaint neighborhood of Frelardia (that unshaved blackhole between Fremont and Ballard) and worked with her first one-ton batch of Red Mountain grapes. Building upon that initial success, in 2007 she rented a space in the Ravenna neighborhood where she and Javier produced 100 cases of Red Mountain wine and released them under the Firá label, in reference to the town on the island of Santorini, Greece where she made her decision to delve into winemaking as a career. As you can guess, Firá means “fire,” as in Angela’s personality, which, btw, you don’t want to discover in a roller derby rink. In 2008, they moved production out of the 20’x10’ closet and into a larger car cave in Sammamish. Production increased to a whopping 200 cases and led to the debut of the black-label “Kamari” reserve lineup. Finally, in 2010, they settled on a plot lining the northern shore of Lake Chelan in Manson, added the name “The Blending Room” as an umbrella for all their labels and upped production to 350 cases. Last year, this two-person, twenty-personalities winery pissed out 500 cases as demand continued to swallow all their production.
Food pairings were macaroni and cheese and a dessert of Wine Bites ‘Chocolate + Chipotle’ shortbread cookies. Pretty damn fine pairing if I say so, and I just did.
In all fairness, I must admit I am not a fan of biodynamically-grown grapes at this time because (1) the high cost is unjustified, and (2) there is no definitive proof wines made from such growing practices yields a “better” wine. I know the yadda-yadda about how it’s good for the planet, but so is riding a bicycle yet I don’t see a single winemaker from the Columbia Valley biking it over to Seattle to promote their wines. FTW.
Tasted at 56-66 degrees on the IR temp gun. Color: dark magenta expressing deep ruby on the swirl. Nose: nothing. Mouthfeel: light-medium bodied. Tail trail: 6 seconds. Flavors: spicy red- and black- berries, singed eyebrows, drying tannins, chimney residue, and a soft finish.
Alcohol: 14.0%. Columbia Valley AVA. Blended and bottled by WineGirl Wines, LLC. Double-digit cases. Long gone as the 2009 is currently available. Power: 0/5. Balance: 1/5. Depth: 1/5. Finesse: 1/5. Rated: 83. I can only guess this wine is past its peak. Value: $6. Paid: $26. Music pairing: “Young Homie” by Chris Rene. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.