Welcome to the clothing-optional issue! In conservative Lubbock, Texas, a maid-service is offering to send over nude maids to clean your house at $100 per hour for one nymph or $150 for two hoochies. And hey, if you’re a cop, you get a “law enforcement discount.” Poor Sean got his request denied when he asked for two guys with open sores and… hey, wait a minute, how did he get the money for it?… oh yeah, Amazon.com picked up his sorry ass off the street. Oh those crazy Brits…a former champion gravy-wrestling model was the victim of a monkey-wrench assault when she alarmed her best friend and roommate by questioning why the bestie was having sex with another friend on the sofa. The bestie, in a drunken state, picked up a monkey wrench lying on the floor and proceeded to do a messy eye surgery that resulted in two fractures around the model’s right eye and 17 stitches to her upper eyelid. And we wonder why the men there enjoy their spanking machines so much? You know the mantra: “when there’s trouble…strip.” Yeah, I never heard of it either but it must be taught out there in the Tri-Cities as a 31 year-old Pasco woman stripped off her clothes when confronted by store security over an alleged shoplifting incident. That was a solid defense for an acquittal until her 9 year-old started crying and “pulled out a box of jewelry hidden under her shirt.” Surveillance video showed the mother apparently telling her kid to stuff the box under her shirt. The woman also has three other children who were running around the mall unattended. And we erroneously blame the kids for what’s wrong with the world when the real fuckholes are the parents who, supposedly, teach their kids how to function in society. Out in Denver at the airport, a woman was caught smoking in a non-smoking area so what does she do when she’s asked to put out the cancer stick? Yep. She responded by stripping down to her birthday suit on Concourse B then blaming her actions on a lack of sleep. Airport authorities emphasized there are four designated smoking areas in the airport but no clothing-optional lounges. And despite the nasty girth of the 200-lb-looking stripper, Madeline Mickle Cow, aka Mad Cow, has denied it was her as she was too busy utilizing her school-training to plan a party at an overhyped winery.
This just in… Sean has announced his intent to enter the Miss Universe contest after the organization modified the rules allowing transgenders to participate in the “beauty” contest. I tried to discourage his plans by saying it allows transgenders only, not asexuals, but he replied he is often mistaken for a she-male at gay bars and it’s so easy to hide his choad that he is often mistaken for someone who is “unshaved down there.” *facepalm*
Cavatappi Winery has a long history that’s slowly fading away into obscurity and only a few, mostly in the wine trade, know of its existence. Ballard’s own Peter Dow, 66, used to run Café Juanita with a unique schtick of making their own pasta noodles, starting back in the mid-70’s. His connection to all things Italian came from an earlier job of teaching skiing in the Alps. In the early 80’s, Peter convinced Mike Sauer at Red Willow Vineyard to plant Italian varietals like sangiovese and nebbiolo, well before Mike got hooked on Italy following a 1992 trip there. In 1984, Peter bonded his winery in the basement of his restaurant (the winery is named after his popular spiral, tubular shaped Italian pasta) and his wife, Margaret, designed the wineglass-stained label. In 2001, Peter sold his interest in the restaurant and devoted most of his time to his wine distribution company, Cavatappi Distribuzione, which he sold to Odom-Southern in October of last year.
Peter and Margaret have two daughters—Molly (the namesake for Cavatappi’s ‘Molly’s Cuvee’) and Madeline. I would like to say nice things about Madeline but she sums it up best by admitting, “But, I’m kind of an Italian whore.” I disagree. You’re not Italian.
Food pairing was my own Rio Grande chili concoction that included half of this wine for the base. Not nearly as good as I hoped for as the wine was too dilute for cooking.
Tasted at 60-66 degrees on the IR temp gun. Color: light brick ruby. Nose: cherry basket. Mouthfeel: thin. Tail trail: 3 seconds. Flavors: cranberry, red cherry, allspice, root beer.
Alcohol: 13.5%. Stelvin cap. No winery website. Grapes from Milbrandt’s vineyards. Wahluke Slope AVA. Aged 6 months in neutral oak and 6 months in bottle before release. Power: 1/5. Balance: 2/5. Depth: 2/5. Finesse: 2/5. Rated: 87. Value: $15. Paid: $13. Music pairing: “Hey Mickey” by Toni Basil. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.