Security at Disney World barred a 15 year-old from entering the grounds because the teen’s Tinker Bell costume and make-up appeared too realistic and parkgoers might confuse the youngster with the official character. “My makeup took two hours, my hair took another hour, and then I had to spray my body in glitter and paint my nails, but my fake personality didn’t need any cover-up,” replied Sean Gregullivan. An Orygun woman recently won a $900,000 lawsuit against a retired wine blogger who she met on a dating website and gave her a surprise gift of… guess: (1) herpes without telling her until after they fornicated, or (2) free wine from the local wine commission that he was paid to hype, which turned out to be Walla Walla bilgewater. New readers of HerpDerp’s wine report took a cue and filed a similar lawsuit after oozing fishy green runoff from their reproductive organs. Sad to report this, but one of my lady readers in North Carolina is behind bars after an argument at a tasting room with a wine blogger while discussing the merits of Virginia wines. She got so fed up with his lies of Virginia cabernets being competitive with Washington’s that she “grabbed him by his scrotum” so tightly that when he escaped, she had succeeded in squeezing a testicle out of his ballsack. A police officer confirmed in his report that the victim’s “scrotum had been split open (and) one of the subject’s testicles (was) protruding from the scrotum area. The victim refused to be identified but we know he wasn’t Sean or Paul as those guys have no balls when it comes to writing honestly about wines.” The local wine commission recently flew out several wine bloggers to Tokyo to help celebrate Washington wines in Japan and brought in a “special” chef for a $1250-a-plate dinner that the wine commission won on a Tweeter auction. While those bloggers whooped it up on Washington taxpayer’s dimes and told their lame readers how great they are, what wasn’t reported was the chef’s name was 43 year-old asexual Mao Sugiyama (that’s Japanese for Sean Sulligutt). The following description was pulled from the chef’s social media site: “I am offering my male genitals as a meal to the highest bidder. I am from Boston with a severe fetish for Asians. The organs were surgically removed at age 22. Back then, I was certified to be free of venereal diseases and I was not on female hormone treatment. The length at full erection was two monster inches. Will prepare sashimi-style or as a steak tartar served with pralines.” And finally this, police in Houston arrested a drunk and pregnant Babs Winegal after finding her passed out from her buzz behind the wheel of her idling car at 2:40am. A search of her vehicle found several empty TetraPaks of Bandito wine inside a diaper bag and a copy of “Essential Washington Wines You Should Buy (that I got for free).” It was later discovered that the drunky skank had earlier left her 1 year-old alone in the car while she got an ass-piercing at a nearby tattoo parlor. Life as a wine blogger…and some of you out there want to be one or, worse yet, want to imitate one on your winery website??
Got a nice tip from Michele asking wineries about who’s their storyteller and do they like what is being written about them. Wine bloggers like to think they are omniscient fortune tellers, especially here in Washington, so they feel wineries are obligated to give them free wines as a payment for slathery words of affection. Bullshit. As an example, just before lining the kitty litterbox with it, I wasted my time reading some flatulent discharge about local sauvignon blancs. Mind you, readers know (and have confirmed) about one of Washington’s best perennial sauvignon blancs made by Guardian Cellars. But, was that even mentioned? Of course not. Jerry and Jennifer know better than to kiss off 10 cases of their best white wine just so the author can give it away at his Walla Walla lemon parties. Seriously, can’t the wine mooching know-nuthin’ cough up the Jackson to just pay for it? Is money that tight for a banjo strumming David Cassidy-lookalike senior wine writer? Oh sure, the guy has no problem paying for Quilceda Creek stash, but when it comes to truly supporting Washington wineries (with cold hard cash), he feels lesser wineries owe him and should be like NASA and get close enough to observe the dingleberry rings around his Uranus. Future wine bloggers take note: unless you want to end up at the beginning of these posts, go out and earn respect for yourself and your wine blog and BUY the wines you want to review, then give an honest and balanced analysis on what you found. I have seen enough shaved flakes show-up and disappear over the years when it comes to Washington wines. All that blatant lying, artificial schmoozing, and asexual re-tweeting with fellow lowlifes catches up to you and hastens your exit. Only the truly slimy and perverted deviants can play ‘the game.’ And I semi-quote: “…those who proceed slowly and honestly, go the distance, while those who rush too quickly forming cliques and stealing wine from hard working wineries, perish.”
Corfini Cellars is actually a recent offshoot of Corfini Gourmet (established 2003) and run by company president James Edward Brooke, 37. Jim majored in business and Italian at Gonzaga University then immediately got his hands wet in the software industry, working for S1 Corp and Yodlee before starting Corfini Distribution (and Corfini Gourmet) in April, 2003. His company focuses on sourcing “local and natural” ingredients as he wants to “truly change the way people dine in the greater Seattle and Portland areas.” The name Corfini comes from part of his mother’s maiden name that refers back to a small mountaintop town, Corfino, in the Tuscan landscape. Corfini’s products are currently limited to grass-fed beef, Anderson Ranch lamb, Mad Hatcher Poultry & Game, and select, sustainable seafood. Among his customers are most of the great Northwest chefs not named Tom Douglas: Jason Wilson, Jason Franey, Chet Gerl, Jonathan Sundstrom, and Ethan Stowell.
In 2011, as part of a natural evolution of running an upscale (but not expensive) gourmet food supplier, Mr. Brooke extended his reach and delved into wine distribution by hiring 41 year-old ex-Georgian Ben Reece to run the operation. The focus of their portfolio is to offer “balanced food friendly wines from small producers who let the fruit and artistry of the winemaking shine through.” Aside from their own negociant label, they have signed up Ott & Murphy Wines, Rotie Cellars, Toasted Goat, and several wineries from Oregon, California, France and Italy.
As a side note, this wine was produced and bottled by Naufrago Cellars of Walla Walla. This anonymous winery also makes wines for Compass Wines, an Anacortes-based wine retailer. They want to stay anonymous but let me give you some hints as to who they are: (1) naufrago is Italian for castaway; (2) their “name” winery has won a stack of awards and accolades; (3) aside from the experimental syrah, they also craft wines using cabernet and merlot; (4) and that’s all they do in Walla Walla. Oh yeah, and they have access to Seven Hills and Pepper Bridge vineyards.
Food pairing was spaghetti with Ragu sauce. Pleasant.
Tasted at 62-66 degrees on the IR temp gun. Color: murky, dark mahogany. Nose: undeniable cherry black and red. Mouthfeel: medium with some heat. Tail trail: 7 seconds (big lift in the mid-palate). Flavors: tangy dried herbs, high heat, desiccated cherries, black licorice, desert scrub. Probably blended with cabernet and merlot up to 25%.
Alcohol: 13.9% (tastes higher, probably to avoid paying more tax). Columbia Valley AVA. Unfined and unfiltered–fine sediment in the Riedel. Elegant, simple black label with silver script up the left side in relief. Power: 2/5. Balance: 2/5. Depth: 2/5. Finesse: 2/5. Rated: 88. Value: $15. Paid: $14. Music pairing: “Do You Know What I Mean” by Lee Michaels. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.