Animals in the news, and that’s besides the crusty horndogs and their preference for fake big-titties being exposed in the military. A 24 year-old man in Montana was cleaning a bear pen and apparently, the bear didn’t like it and mauled the poor bloke. If you have witnessed the aftermath of a mauling, you know that bears prefer to only eat the skin of humans as that’s where the lard from all those bigmacs and whoppers (and bogus ‘top 100 wines’ lists) reside. Going east, a two year-old boy in Pittsburgh, after being lifted by the mother over a protective fence to “get a better view,” fell into a wild African dogs enclosure where the eleven dogs thought it was feeding time and proceeded to devour the offspring of some totally clueless parents like wine bloggers all over a free tasting of overpriced Walla Walla syrahs offered by equally clueless wineries. And while we’re on the topic, a 7 year-old Hawaiian was feeding Shona… err, I meant a horse, when his pinky finger got snipped off. Now, you notice no one from Washington was involved in these asinine situations which, coming to a conclusion, means drinking Washington wines prevents you from becoming another species’ meal.
However, to be fair, Washingtonians and their inane stupidity can be linked to the number 2. A federal report recently ranked Seattle #2 out of 33 cities for attempted suicides and blamed these attempts on people who read lame, bullshit wine blogs that are “paid” to hype up wines with “top 100 wines (that I got for free and you must overpay)”. Then there are the two goobers who had been stranded on Mt. Rainier for the last two nights after ignoring a weather forecast predicting blizzard-like conditions. These kooks were also rumored to have enjoyed tasting free wines with wine bloggers. Serves ’em right. Back in Seattle, a 34 year-old bum attacked two people (one in a wheelchair) after they refused to give the crackhead a cigarette. What compels a perfectly functioning being to smack a disabled, wheelchair-bound individual over a lousy tobacco stick??? Bystanders were heard to mention the skank had just polished off a 3 liter box of California wine. Well, that explains that. And in typical South Park news, two teenagers (now there’s an explosive mix–“South Park” and “teenagers”) died Sunday night after driving their car into a telephone pole. Darwin’s theory in action… now if only it applied to all those dummass parents of those knucklenuts.
Why all the h8 on poor parenting? Well, we recently “lost” our own big papi and are about to hire a bigshot who can bring in a better vibe to our product. (Update: she’s officially titled!) So, in the meantime, my staff of “1/3 gay, 1/3 geek, and 1/3 go-figure” have been about as productive as a breakout session at a whine bloggers confession. Team meetings have been reduced to recaps of “Start-Ups” and “LOLwork” tv shows. And btw, I think Sarah’s hot! She’d make the perfect high-maintenance date at Canlis.
Wineglass Cellars, BW-WA-154, is the wine child of David E. (63) and Linda Majnarich(60) Lowe. They wrote the book on how NOT to be a bad parent. David was raised in eastern Oregon and Linda grew up in the Yakima Valley. Being from small communities, they wanted to raise their children the same way they grew up– in a town where everyone knew their name. So they raised their stakes and uprooted the family to Wenatchee in the early ’90s while still allowing David to sell IBM products to small businesses. They would go on wine junkets, tasting the wines of the area and eventually decided on starting a winery when they moved again, this time to Zillah. David armed himself with UC-Davis winemaking guides and began volunteering at local wineries while also making his own home brew. Despite some early mistakes, David sounded like that little fella behind Goats Rock Winery (and all nouveau winemaking entrepreneurs) when describing his desire to run a winery, “It was fulfilling and I knew I wanted to do this for a living.”
Today, the Lowes just celebrated their 19th commercial crush with an annual production of approximately 2500 cases/year. Although most of their sales pass through their Rattlesnake Hills tasting room, their wines are well distributed in western Washington and can also be found at The Tasting Room at Pike Place Market. The focus is on red wines, with a dabble into chardonnay owing to their California tastings, and offer the lowest price on a Les Vignes de Marcoux syrah should you be curious.
Food pairing was “free” Papa John’s pepperoni pizza. Nothing amusing.
Tasted at 59-65 degrees on the IR temp gun. Color: dark magenta. Nose: cherries, earth, plum, red licorice, raspberry. Mouthfeel: medium-bodied, slight tart. Tail trail: 6 seconds. Flavors: cranberries, black tea tannins, black pepper, arson.
Alcohol: 14.1%. 180 cases. Yakima Valley AVA. Power: 2/5. Balance: 1/5. Depth: 1/5. Finesse: 2/5. Rated: 86. Value: $14. Paid: $16. Music pairing: “Don’t Bring Me Down” by Electric Light Orchestra. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.