Bogle Vineyards 2008 petite sirah (California)

Got an interesting comment from a Steve Jacksoff, or Steve Jackshymoff, a self-proclaimed “Hose Masterbater of Whine,” who thinks he’s something special after he sent about 6 referrals to this great wine blog site. Like we’re supposed to applaud such a feeble effort?

First question for Steve Jacksoff… WHO ARE YOU? You talk a lotta smack but no one knows who you iz. Not a single customer in my tasting room has ever mentioned you. I’ve heard of Paul Dingbatt. I’ve heard of Bobo Parker. I’ve even heard of some new guy… Shitneckt or something. But not you. Guess that makes you A NOBODY.

The following is from a guest blogger:

Some background, Steve Jacksoff is a 66 year-old four-eyed, mostly balding chimpanzee Californicator that resides in a 1970’s apartment in the skids of Oakland on Montecito Avenue. While this is not confirmed, this crusted dingleberry of a shitstain apparently laced his wife’s drink with a couple grams of LSD in order to get her to say yes at the drive-thru wedding chapel. As a side note, his wife’s nickname is Gerty. Wtf? The last time I heard that name was on my cousin’s farm when he called out to a special holstein grazing in the pen. You’re married to a cow?? Or is it the old Narrows Bridge that galloped into local lore? Are you catfishing? She, in turn, confirmed his impotency as they have no kids, which means ol’ Steve had to resort to hosting lemonparties where he’s a “head”-writer for Choad Enthusiast.

How did he get that gig? Glad you asked. Steve was asked to resign from a much glossier wine rag about twenty years ago when he falsely accused a wine of being corked. The winery, a favored advertiser at the wine rag, that made the wine retaliated by demanding the axe and so Steve had to pack his shitbag and head for lesser waters like Choad Enthusaist that hires any emasculated, uninfluential, asexual senior wine writer.

That said, ol’ peckerhead Steve put up a good front attacking this blog in order to show his handful of blind followers that he can still “rise” to the occasion (with the assistance of a handful of Chinese herbal Viagra pills) by picking on a more popular blog than his. He and his goonsquad kept clicking onto this site everyday in an attempt to show some strength in numbers but all it did was attract advertisers who want to cut a deal to sponsor this blog. So, thank you Steve for helping us to generate revenue with this wonderful wine blog that helps consumers understand why Washington wines are a much better deal than the grossly overpriced pig trough juice you are forced to hype up. Dumbass.

Bogle Vineyards is seated in Clarksburg, CA, which is just south of the city that will eventually lose it’s basketball team to us. This is one of the bigger wineries that is still very much run by the family that started it. The winery has been around since at least the late-70’s and still offers reasonably priced wines that scream “California”: zinfandel, oaked chardonnay, and cabernet sauvignon being the most notable. Consumers know this winery very well around Halloween as they offer one of the better spook-themed wines, Phantom, for the money. You can also find their wines periodically on the lists of airlines that fly the best coast.

To the wine.

Food pairing was pork sliders and dark chocolate raisins. Fine, but not notable.

Tasted at 62-63 degrees on the IR temp gun. Color: dark magenta. Nose: black licorice, black plum. Mouthfeel: medium-bodied. Tail trail: 5 seconds. Flavors: black pepper, plum, glycyrrhizin, slight alcohol sting, vanillin.

Alcohol: 13.5%. Likely vineyard sources: Clarksburg and Lodi. California appellation. Vinted and bottled in Graton, CA. Power: 2/5. Balance: 2/5. Depth: 2/5. Finesse: 1/5. Rated: 87. Bottle gifted by an individual not affiliated with the winery. If you paid ten bucks for this, you got your money’s worth.
Music pairing: “Backfired” by Debbie Harry. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.

Dear Californicator Steve,
You have got to be the most lazy ass muth^$#&%# senior wine writer I have ever heard from! Now, get your $#%$$%#@ ass writing honest wine reviews for once in your muth^$#&%# life!
If you think the world needs your genius then prove it, you piece of ^#$@.
If you can’t be qualified for a decent job, then write mutha^$#$%@% honest wine reviews!
You got your lazy ass an education in general studies so get your general-sized ass studying and write some damn honest reviews!
Here’s a picture of what we think of you and your lies reviews:

In summary, Steve HoseMasterbater, GO $#%@ YOURSELF.