WAwineman reporting from Radio City Music Hall in New York City with the latest on the 2013 National Wine Blogger Draft, and walking to the podium to begin the proceedings is Bobby Parkour. “And with the first pick, Choad Enthusiast selects… Sean P. Sillyvain of lesser Wallingford!” No surprise there as the “P.” stands for Penisbreath. I think they got the right gay to setup the glasses for those so-called “blind tastings.” Hey, here comes P. Richard Gregutt… “Hey Dick, what’d you think of that selection?” PRG: “Anyone who can emasculate a man via Twitter wine tastings is deserving to join our lemon parties. I mean, ‘blind tastings’. Sean’s been trying so hard to impress us, from the cheap hair dye and his ugly-ass bitch for a girlfriend to recommending wines he cannot afford and showing off what a small penis he has by tweeting a picture of himself with empty Leonetti bottles. This guy is one of us! We know he is a complete sell-out and will never put the paying consumer’s interest first. He’s on his way to becoming as two-faced as I am, posing as a ‘winemaker’ by schlepping wine made from free grapes and vinted by trained winemakers. So what if I am cozy with the big wine companies? I think I am still unbiased when reviewing their wines. And, besides, our palates don’t need official recognition. We THINK we know wines and we KISS a lot of ASS to get free wine. Like the public is smart enough to figure it out! Hah!” And this, from Sean’s congratulatory speech: “I’d like to thank Mr. Gregutt for allowing me to be his right-hand man… as we all know how worn out his right hand is from all those years between wives.”
Back to Bobby… “With the second selection of the 2013 National Wine Blogger Draft, Gallo Columbia Winery selects Shona666 from the armpit of Woodinville.” Wow! Not only did the winery rehab an out-of-work “I’m not a wine blogger but I blog about wines” wine mooching ho but now they will speak to the public about their “award winning” wines through the rusty spigot that is the Queenie of Woodinville wine-profit stealing diva!
Okay, that was all I could handle before sprinting to the washroom to vomit.
At the post-draft press conference, I asked Dickie Gregutt about the “changing of the guard” in wine writing. His reply was, “Age… doesn’t matter unless you’re a cheese.” I interjected, “Or a wine.” Then, Sean got the last word in, “Or on Dateline’s ‘To Catch A Predator’ which I know all too well…” I then asked if writing about wine is more difficult today then it was when he started out. The Dick’s reply was, “Once during Prohibition, I was forced to live on nothing but food and water.”
As for Shona, I asked, “What did you tell all your fake friends?” She replied, “It’s a Snuggie night! Don’t you agree, SeattleWineGal?” Uhhhmmm, that bitch is no longer on Twitter (since January). As a matter of fact, she is no longer in the country (THANK GOD!). The bitch got hitched and is now running with the bulls as a self-proclaimed “professor of English” at a “school” she claims to own in Spain. True story.
…back to the washroom for an encore Ralph…
Chateau Figeac has been in the news lately as they hired vino-vivant Michel Rolland to be their consulting winemaker in an attempt to recover lost glory from bygone days. The winery sits on luxe property alongside Chateau Cheval Blanc; however, was passed over for promotion to ‘A’ status as a Premier Grand Cru Classe site.
That’s all you’re getting about this winery as this is a Washington wine blog and we do not pretend to be world wine experts here. This isn’t some website where the authors (or readers) are allowed to instigate a pissing contest by one-upping some poor wine slog. You wanna read about French wines… anywhere but here.
However, being a Northwest wine-centric blog, specifically bent toward Washington State, we turn the tables here and examine how wines from other regions compare with ours. NOT the other way around. After all, Washington wines and Oregon pinot noirs are the best in value and quality so it only makes sense.
So, this was brought to the table by some oddfellows to pair with beef fritters. One look at the two-colored paper label and I thought it looked like a fine $15 wine. How’s that for a “blind tasting,” eh? All that wording about “Premier Grand Cru Classe” and “St. Emilion” (which I thought was misspelled for Semillon) had no effect on this author. After the first pour with its thin Trojan-red-like color, this wine gave the impression it was an aged Oregon pinot noir. Looked like it. Smelled like it.
What set this wine apart was its crazy evolution in the glass. Soft cherries and strawberries gave way to earth and truffles, then moved to caramel, coffee, then to anise and mint. Remember, this wine is over 22 years old. Phreakin’ awesome! Only later was it revealed that the current value of this wine was in the neighborhood of $250.
Tasted at 63-67 degrees on the IR temp gun. Transparent Trojan-red in the Riedel with a baseball-glove tan on swirl with light ruby edges, the aromas effused perfumed cherries, dried mushrooms, and plum. Soft medium-bodied on the palate with long ribbon of exotica, starting with an attack of red fruits (slightly medicinal) on a good spine of acid then leading to a mid-palate bump of rum chocolate, then finishing with red licorice, rhubarb, menthol, sarsaparilla, and elderly tannins to complete the bon voyage.
Alcohol: 13%. Appellation (Bordeaux): St. Emilion. Grand Cru Classe ‘B’. “Produce of France.” Bouteille No. 015776. Left-bank blend (cabernet dominant). Reported to contain: 35% cabernet franc, 35% cabernet sauvignon, and 30% merlot. Power: 2/5. Balance: 3/5. Depth: 3/5. Finesse: 4/5. Rated: 92. Music pairing: “That’s What I Like” by Kelsi Luck. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.