The real Erin Brockovich was arrested late Friday night for BWI (boating while intoxicated). Authorities noticed millionaire-Erin had trouble docking her boat on Lake Mead and later found her BAC to be twice the legal limit of 0.08. After being notified of her having to go to county lockdown and being asked for her next-of-kin’s phone number, Erin was heard to fire back with “How ’bout this for a number? Six. That’s how old my daughter is. Eight is the age of my son. Two is how many times I’ve been married… and divorced. And with all the numbers I gave you, I’m guessing zero is the number of times you think I’ve drunk-parked this crap-ass boat.” The Clark County cops checked the passenger manifesto and noticed Sean Sillyvain and Paul Gray Gutt were listed but only Sean was seated next to Erin’s discarded sun dress then asked where Mr. Gray Gutt was and to put on some clothes. Erin replied, “Well, as long as I have one ass (wine blogger) instead of two, I’ll wear what I like, if that’s all right with you.” When told that the newspaper reporters would pick up the story of her being seen with Sean Sillyvain, Erin relented and begged the officer not to reveal who she was with this diddy, “Please, officer, don’t let this out that I was seen with Sean. He gave me a lot of free Washington wine from the Commission office. For the first time in my life, I got wine blogging shitbags respecting me. Please don’t ask me to give it up.” Typical of the “entitled” generation is the story of Edward Snowden, a 29 year-old idealistic, “failure to launch” high school dropout, hipster weak-effort goateed ex-government contractor who leaked the details of our government’s formerly “secret” surveillance programs that monitor the telephony patterns of its citizens. Typical of the it’s-really-all-about-me generation, this traitor’s “sole motive is to inform the public…” like as if every incontinent 20-something was so important that a federal monitor was assigned to analyze the blogging habits of these worthless slimeballs. Worse yet, and get this, he mapped out his safe-harbor destiny by camping out in a hotel in Hong Kong because “they have a spirited commitment to free speech” then magically end up in Iceland to seek asylum. Never mind the standing up for your beliefs and face the music boldness. No. Never mind that the company that seeded this reckless snitch will forever be punished from future contracts. Nope. And, never mind that, and whatever opinion you have of our current government, the highest levels of executive privilege will be spending inordinate millions of taxpayer dollars to defend this mostly feckless expose and the end result will be… “Who gives a FUCK?” Back to relevant news, Palace Malice scored an upset in winning the 145th running of the Belmont Stakes. Comeback jockey of the year, Gary Stevens, did place in this thoroughbred race with a miraculous performance atop Shona. Unfortunately, she was later disqualified as the race was for three year-old horses and not 52 year-old war horse faces.
Speaking of entitlement, what is it that winemakers are not required, and therefore be held to a higher standard, to disclose, yet be able to use or imply a sense of “quality?” Let’s start with the term “reserve.” There is no mandated law that restricts usage of the term. Sure, there may be a “policy” supported by members of the WWQA that define the term but what is the penalty if a rogue winemaker ignores the definition? Nothing. How about “Old Vines?” Again, nice sound. Implies… well, what does it really imply? Nothing really. And that corresponds to no set definition of how many years a vine has to be to qualify for the “old vines” designation. Then, there’s “single vineyard.” Noobs have zero clue to what that means. And, while most single vineyard wines tend to be held in higher esteem than multi-vineyard wines, and do have a federal definition of requiring at least 95% of the grapes originating from stated vineyard… 95% is still NOT 100%. So, really a “single vineyard” wine could contain as many as five-1% vineyard contributors and still be labeled as a “single vineyard.” And what about the listed alcohol content? I hear a lot of laughs! I know. Let’s move on… how about the number of stated cases produced? Can you just visualize a bad-boy winemaker hype up some plonk by stating “only 20 cases produced” then sending half that many to some jerkoff blogger to endorse the wine, thus allowing a humongous markup to rape the consumer’s panic-buying reaction? Then, he later admits to a 200 case existence and blaming the mistake as some typo by a lowly-paid intern. Note to wine consumers: it is your responsibility to not fall for the childish tactics setup by unscrupulous winemakers and shithole wine blogger accomplices. If you are a regular reader of this blog, then you are an educated wine consumer and will not be easily fooled into buying overpriced piss juice. Let the contributors here pay the $25 at some sham tasting room only to discover the assjuice ain’t worth more than 59 measly pennies. And this, despite a couple other wine bloggers “recommendations” who did not bother to even open the bottles of wines that were given to them at no cost. Of course, knowing what is known now, I wouldn’t open that bottle either.
International music admirers know well of the San Remo Music Festival as today’s music enthusiasts can equate the festival to today’s “The Voice.” The festival has been held annually since 1951 and has launched the singing careers of many Italian artists you’ve never heard of. But, that’s alright. See, if you’ve eaten at a few true Italian ristorantes, then there’s a good chance you’ve heard the songs of these participants. And, if you’re like me, you made a compact disc of such hits that you play in your whip while continuing to romance that young Sophia Loren that has targeted your pants for further exploration.
When we last visited Des Voigne Cellars, the winery was limited to a poor-visibility site in the warehouse district. My, how times have changed. Darren Des Voignes has since expanded to the short-lived Vintner’s Annex in Ballard then to Country Village in Bothell, sharing space with Open Road Wine Cellars and Cedar River Cellars at The Mercantile Wine and Goods right off the Bothell-Everett Highway, aka Highway 527. Darren’s winery continues on the success of weaving fine music with fine wine that no other winery in the area has capitalized on. A brilliant strategy to showcase his fine lineup of wines.
Tasted at 65-66 degrees on the IR temp gun. Color: groovy dark magenta. Nose: arresting aromas of smoky black cherry, red licorice, and Marcona almonds. Mouthfeel: medium-bodied. Tail trail: 9 seconds. Flavors: Bing cherry, cranberry, slight alcohol plume, allspice, cardamom, and a fuzzy blanket of barrel tannins. Paired with spaghetti and Classico Tomato and Basil sauce. Cost effective.
Alcohol: 14.4%. Columbia Valley AVA. Vineyards: Ciel du Cheval, Candy Mountain, Lewis. Aged 26 months in once-used French oak. 262 cases. Power: 2/5. Balance: 2/5. Depth: 3/5. Finesse: 2/5. Rated: 89. Value: $20. Paid: $25. Music pairing: “Maybe September” by Jimmy Smith and Wes Montgomery. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.