Bikini baristas, a bad cop, and fish. From our northern neighbors comes this nasty pitch… Snohomish County investipols were perplexed while undercover to expose a few coffee huts offering more than a little milk in their java and secretly depositing the ill-gotten (and foul-smelling) currency into a local credit union. The baristas knew when the po-po were watching, which later led to the discovery and arrest of one of their own for tipping off the owner. An FBI report concluded that in the last three years, the owner of these seven questionable coffee stands had deposited over $850,000 into her account. Credit union employees clearly remembered the owner for the stench that was wafting off the bills, of which the owner blew off as the result of her storing the cash “in her freezer at home with fish.” Riiiight. Think I will abstain from heavy sex tonight. Not to be outdone, a 62 year-old fugly Florida woman who looks like Shona’s younger sister, was arrested outside her residence after cops were called to settle a fence dispute with her neighbor. While being questioned by the coppah, the woman lurched over and kissed the poor guy on the nose for no good reason other than she later admitted to drinking cheap California wine. After wiping off the saliva from his schnozz, the cop arrested her on a felony battery charge. As an encore, a Tampa man is in the cooler for hacking his mother’s dog after he claimed the PUPPY was acting aggressive towards him. When police entered the home, they found the dog’s ribs, fully cooked, in a pot on the stove and he also admitted to consuming some of the rib meat. Is it too late to ask the POTUS to have the U.S.-Mexico border wall extend to the Florida state line? That is one fucked-up state. And finally this news… a small village in east China welcomed the sighting of a rare two-headed pig. Experts proclaimed the mutation only occurs in certain lower animal species such as wine bloggers (think Sean and Paul).
2013 will go down as a “changing of the guard” in Washington wine blogging as yet another “industry” blogger can no longer handle the continuous lies spewed out to hype wines that only she likes. Some fools take a year to figure out how soul-less wine blogging is; others take eight years due to all the blubber that “common sense” has to penetrate before she realizes how sickening and soul-sucking it is to blatantly lie to readers about shitty, overpriced wines, especially those winemakers she curry-favors to, and that the most heinous crime a wine blogger can commit is to have a reader buy a wine based on that blogger’s recommendation only to discover the wine tasted nothing like the bluster. We have new politics in the wine blogging world. Fellow wine bloggers should consider themselves lucky as I couldn’t cough up enough money to pay that psycho Kim Un-Dong to drop a nuclear nut-smasher on your little inbred convention in Penticton.
As for you international readers, what the hell is wrong with you guys??? I step away for a little bit and y’all start spreadin’ rumors! Gone fission at Hanford. That’s all you need to know.
And, to clear things up a little… if some of you winemakers can’t handle a 59 or 65 rating on your fucked-up wine, then go fuck yourself. Don’t go whining to your inept cult followers about how the bottle was faulty and that wine reviewers should not review a “bad” wine. So, you mean that out of the hundreds of bottles of wine that you think is “quality,” we got that ONE bad bottle?? Fuck you. You sold that bottle through your tasting room to a cohort and his gf, which means THAT BOTTLE was meant for public scrutiny. If the winemaker does not practice “quality control,” then you deserve what you get. Just come clean and admit you fucked up the vinification process and have to recoup your investment so you attempt to pass it off as good wine. Let’s just say this… NOBODY ripassos a sangiovese in this town for a reason, and what you made IS that reason. Now, you and your plastic viking-hat-wearing fungos go do a centipede line at ‘applications’ to impress your future employer in Airbus. Don’t you EVER demand a wine blogger to recant an honest, unbiased review. You give me wine, we play by your rules. We pay for your wine, you play by ME rules. And, don’t go slobbering to your other wine blogger buddies to beg they print a recommendation for your wine to counter what is written here. It don’t work, sucka. That’s savage grace.
No, actually this is Savage Grace. The wines. Michael Anthony Savage, 53, recently graduated from the Northwest Wine Academy at South Seattle Community College and joined up with fellow must-heads in Ancestry Cellars, William Grassie Wine Estates, and Lauren Ashton Cellars to jointly run a tasting room on the other side of the tracks at the warehouse district. Michael founded his winery in early 2012 and among his initial offerings are: 2011 cabernet franc ($20, Ratt Hills AVA), 2012 chardonnay ($20, Celilo Vineyard), 2011 syrah ($22, Ratt Hills AVA), a riesling (Columbia Gorge AVA), and this interesting spec from a great vineyard in the western Yakima Valley AVA.
In all honesty, growing sauvignon blanc makes sense at Red Willow as the Sauer family’s red-Bordeaux grape rows are among the very best in Washington. Give the vines a little more time to pickup the unique terroir that Red Willow Vineyard is famous for and this sauvignon blanc should emerge as a top-shelf contender. At least, that’s the hope as the Red Mountain AVA needs a worthy contender for making tasty sauvignon blancs around here.
Food pairing was breaded pork cutlet. Easy.
Tasted at 55-60 degrees on the IR temp gun. Color: early summer dawn. Nose: grapefruit blossom, deep fryer in a citrus orchard. Mouthfeel: medium-bodied. Tail trail: 6 seconds. Flavors: pink grapefruit, blow bubbles, nectarine, lime, and cracked marble. Good acid. A nice summer starter wine. Do not cellar this one.
Alcohol: 12.8%. Yakima Valley AVA. “Field-blend of 8 different clones.” Rhone-style bottle. Power: 2/5. Balance: 2/5. Depth: 2/5. Finesse: 2/5. Rated: 88. Value: $15. Paid: $20. Music pairing: “Harlem” by New Politics. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.