Looks like that balding, aged old goat in Steve (Jacks) Himoff of Hosemasterbater insignificance retained his loser status after watching his crinkled fatass go down in the Belmont Stakes. Some 9 million dollars (from wannabe know-it-alls–just like in wine!) were bet on his California Dome to win some award and, just like his performance in the bedroom, he came up limp. Up north, it appears former American Top 40 deejay, Casey Kasem, met up with Paul Gutless (aka front-turd for his band– Asshat (Yes I’m a) Asshat) as it was reported Casey was admitted to a hospital with a flaring bedsore that could ultimately be his demise. And, as usual, that middle-aged asexual Sean begged his blind followers on Twitter for Seattle not to pass the $15/hr minimum wage law because that would mean uneducated immigrants would be making more than his cache of being a college-educated (notice he says he never graduated from college) herpderp who majored in neurology. I didn’t know you needed a degree to be considered neurotic. I was fortunate enough to chat with his gf, Anny, during the Copper River salmon shindig and she was in a depressed state after discovering she was a lesbian for dating Sean. That’s okay, Anny. Sometimes, the woman in a relationship carries the big dick while the male is just a cunt.
Anyone pull out the facial tissue, one more time, for Paul Guttless’s latest “farewell”? The 85 year-old looking barnacle with the cheap hair dye and curly, girly locks (based on his Facebook mugshot) has turned into a news snark of sorts, kinda like a sophomoric version of this blog. So, this ruffled, crinkled banjo-slinger has abandoned (yet again) his weakass, fake-y wine blog and has turned into a news soundbite and shameful self-publicizing folksinger for some rural dive bar and shlocking his wine that was really made by a 2nd-place Big Wine consortium. This is the destiny of a pathetic senior wine writer who for years refused to let outsiders admire the wonders of Washington wine and claim it as their discoveries. He wasn’t good enough to write for Wine Expectorator, ever, so he cajoled his fellow lemonparty dicksuckers at Choad Enthusiast to add a couple points to every Washington wine review. Then, based on Sean’s powerful ass-sucking, Paul chose him to continue the illusion that Washington wines are “owned” by Choad’s editors (aka freeloaders). After all, Sean knows nothing about using the 100-point system to rate a wine, choosing to diss rather than understand and learn, and preferring to use gay one-liners to slot a wine. What’s so funny (and sad) is no one buys that flimsy rag and thus, no one still knows how great Washington wines have become. That is… until they read this Washington wine blog.
3 Horse Ranch Vineyards sits in the up-and-coming Snake River AVA of the Gem State. Now, Idaho is far better known for things other than wine, such as French fries (Simplot), paper (Boise Cascade), semiconductor chips (Micron), and cut-rate supermarkets (Albertsons, WinCo Foods), but there is a growing wine industry shooting off of neighboring Washington for those winemakers who consider Walla Walla part of the “rat race” and yearn for better quality flyfishing expeditions. Yeah, if that’s you, get to know your ‘ho… Idaho.
The owners use estate fruit and have reached into the Walla Walla Valley AVA to grow some serious grapes. Recently, they started to craft their own wines and the improvement in quality winemaking has attracted some big buyers west of the Cascades. Regardless of whatever wine awards they garnered, this is still an Idaho wine. I. Da. Ho. Common responses include “Dafuq?,” “Idaho? What side of the Potomac are the grapes grown?,” and “It doesn’t look like a ‘ho.”
History will say this is the bottle (and vintage) that puts Idaho on the wine map. The Snake River Valley AVA is setting course as a future wine tourism destination and is already ahead of several Washington regions in terms of resort development. Ultimately, I think they will take a chunk of expendable cash from the hordes that invade the onion capital of the Northwest. I can see the jingle of “Drive east another hour to get the same quality at half the price” adding to Idaho’s lure. It just might work as Walla Walla is just too snooty these days. Hell, it’s already happening with wineries flocking south to the Oregon side of the border.
Syrah. My empire for a good Washington syrah. Thankfully, this is from Idaho so I won’t be holding a cardboard sign in front of Amazon world HQ anytime soon. Regardless of where it came from, this is a phuckin’ good wine that played well with homemade meatloaf. Syrah was supposed to be Washington’s guiding light, the wine that screams “Washington” like cabernet does for California and malbec for Argentina. Not. Gonna. Happen. There are some flat syrahs currently in tasting rooms in your area. Uninspiring. Eye-bonerless. Asensual. Disjointed. 2011. Enuff said. Well, not with Idaho in this case.
It’s easy to fall for the baited-hyperbole spewed by winemakers, wine awarders, and industry fcuks who only want to move wine because they are either on-the-take or have a vested interest in selling you that questionable bottle. It gets all the more fun when they say they are either (1) studying to be “master” certification, (2) work their second job schlepping wine at some overpriced restaurant, or (3) throw a bunch of useless terms that make them feel they know more about wine than you do. “This won double gold at Charlie Chan’s Seattle thingy so it’s the best of the best!” Hold it, dildo breath, the term “double gold” simply means every broke-ass moron at the judge’s table conferred with each other that the winery gave plenty of freebies so they should bestow their highest award to said wine that was donated. So, an “award” organization can have thirty shitty wines at the table and if a few of the wineries donated extras like a Kraft cheese plate or “authentic” Iberico ham from pigs raised in the Kent valley, well… you know how that goes. Bottom line is, multiple wines can get the “double gold” tag. Sounds good, means nothing. Sells wine? Maybe. Bottom line to that is a few well-connected, overpaid waiters duped wineries into scoring free wine. A cheap buzz. Here’s your double-gold and thanks for the $300 case of wine, dumbass.
Tasted at 63-68 degrees on the IR temp gun. Stern brick magenta in the Riedel with essences of black currant, plum, and meat locker. Full and wily on the palate, this baby delivered with a good flavor evolution of dusted blackberries, smoked ham, and pot roast. Not a lot of wood detected, which is a plus. Firm and balanced. This one is ready to go… now. Should be a winner with barbecued pig this summer.
Alcohol: 14.3%. Snake River Valley AVA. 83% syrah, 17% mourvedre. A few hundred cases. Power: 2/5. Balance: 3/5. Depth: 3/5. Finesse: 3/5. Rated: 91. Value: $30. Paid: $19. Music pairing: “Black Magic Woman” by Santana. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.