Breaking News: Senior wine writer Gray Paulgutt was last seen giving a wine seminar in southern Japan. How do we know this to be true? Well, the newsfeed stated Mount Asshole erupted, polluting the skies there. Who else could it be???
What a great Thanksgiving with the Seahawks of old carving up the disjointed gold diggers that are the 49ers! Went through a stack of wines after our wine game. I was stuck with the penalty card of having to drink everytime the ‘hawks got penalized. Should have traded for the card with SF scoring a touchdown… but, a win’s a win and we were (fortunately for me) playing tasting room pours in between my bites of turkey sandwich and Stove Top stuffing. Was there ever a more gratifying post-game victory meal than watching Wilson and Sherman each chomping on a turkey leg at midfield on the 49ers logo?! I nearly dry-humped the lone 49ers fan in the room…
Then, there’s the issue of that mother of all Top-100 stimulating wines list where Washington only showed two wines compared to Oregon’s paltry three bottles. If that’s not a final validation on the overhyped, pathetic vintages of 2010 and 2011, then quite simply take this wise advice and go rate apple ciders instead. The only folks you should feel bad for are the fools who gave away a half-case of their handcrafted wines who were under the hallucinatory yippee-kye-yay flattery from half-wit wine blogging scabs to the wine rag.
To wit, who gives a flying f*ck anyway? These lists are unscientific and rigged from the beginning, yet everyone plays the fool and goes along with the sham. When Columbia Crest won the top spot a few years ago for their 2005 cabernet, the only people who cared were the marketers and others with an inferiority complex when they deal with the monkeys from more famous wine regions. The average consumer was not swayed by the final answer of some diluted wine mag. The only real good came with the following vintage where demand was high so the winery jacked the price another ten bucks for a wine that didn’t even light up on anyone’s radar. And, that goes to show all these wannabe wine experts that these top-100 lists are meaningless.
The only true rating for wines come from those who are not too cozy with the wine industry and don’t get their wines for free. And, even then, don’t be a fool… trust your own palate and go buy some wines that fancy your interest. Go to the market. Go to the producer. Go to a restaurant and sweet-talk the server into a discount for a pour. It’s great to read about wines to get a feel for what went into the making of the wine but the final exam comes from what that wine does to your unique palate. Don’t let some dumbass waiter-turned-sommelier wrongly influence what you taste. The dingleberry is most likely paid to push certain wines so he/she is on the take just like anyone in the industry. And, skip the wine orgies like Taste Washington… how the f*ck does anyone, much less a trio of inbred wine blogging creeps, rate a wine during a rush hour cacophony of obnoxious buttwipes? The winemakers really don’t care for such a setting so why should you?
So, I had the usual roll-your-eyes question of what wines to buy for Thanksgiving. I gave them all the same answer: buy the wine with the best-looking label. I mean, seriously, don’t these peeps remember my previous blogs on this topic? Besides, I’ve read follow-ups from these clueless imps who, after taking my recommendation, went out and got something else either because of (1) it was on sale; or (2) the other wine had a neat-o label. Really? Boxed wine. Non-vintage, mass produced white wine. A fancy-packaged Chianti Classico with the tax stamp (with white meat and gravy???). A seven year-old chardonnay from the closeout cart. A red bicyclette. A yellow tail. I give up. What to get for Christmas? Get the best-looking label. How about New Year’s Eve? Best-looking label. Gunna announce your engagement at the family dinner? Get the best-looking label. Celebrate your lost virginity? Best-looking label. Newly divorced? Best-looking label. First dinner with that hot date you finally screwed who looked like a ’10’ but in the morning downgraded to a ‘2’? Best-looking label that you got at a Grossery Outlet or other place that sells expired food. Really. Don’t. Care.
The wine bozos around here had high hopes for this wine making some Top-100 list simply based on (1) winery reputation, (2) vintage year, (3) small sampling of prior vintages, and (4) winery influence. Nope on all four accounts. Not even the reviewers here were banking on some epiphany with this one. 2012 was a good, average year elevated to regal status after two piss-poor vintages. Let’s admit this: everyone was relieved to break that cold-season cycle. Only the idiots who believed the graceless wine scribes that bought into how great the 2010s and 2011s were and subsequently attached ridiculously high rating points to were the real suckers who needed a reason to part with their borrowed cash.
Let’s all hope you ran into your local warehouse retailer for this one as anyone could pick this bottle up for the unheard of sale price of $8.89 on a hot August night. At that price, the previously mentioned illusory assessments should have been the reason to scoop this bargain up and most of the public did as it is essentially gone. If you paid more for this wine, well… you still got a good deal. Just not as good as our purchasing department. Next time, stick with us to find that truly good deal. Lesson learned.
Tasted at 56-66 degrees on the IR temp gun. Color: dark garnet. Nose: blackberry, black cherry. Mouthfeel: medium-bodied. Tail trail: 9 seconds. Flavors: raspberry, cranberry, red spices, crumbled bark, red plum.
Alcohol: 14.0%. Horse Heaven Hills AVA. Hundred thousand cases+. Power: 2/5. Balance: 2/5. Depth: 2/5. Finesse: 3/5. Rated: 89. Value: $18. Paid: $8.89. Music pairing: “Really Don’t Care” by Demi Lovato. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.