Columbia Crest Grand Estates 2012 Gold red wine

If the last three months are any indication, then 2015 will be remembered as the nadir of wine blogging in Washington.

This blog notified all the other halfwits and dickweeds that we were on a winter break due to a huge project that would ultimately add a hefty six figures to our retirement options and what do the Seans and Shonas do? Nothing. They kept to their usual half-truths and woop-woops when they could have come clean and actually admitted that (1) one of them had not even a remote candidacy to become some brain surgeon despite majoring in psychology and even quitting at that; (2) glorifying a chat to some obese, bald fat fucks in torn overalls about not using cow shit to fertilize grapevines in Minnehaha; and (3) admitted that she only loves horses because they are hung lower than her ex-bf from the Mazatlan kitchen. But, then again, we’re talking about bloggers who spew about peripheral wine issues rather than the hardcore wine issues that readers want to know more about.

But, worse yet was the utter discombobulation of existing wine blogs that are disguised as emails. These sources must have lost their inspiration from this blog to keep blazing a clear, concise path on the current state of Washington wine. There’s this one clod who pushes wine that “stains your soul.” Really? And for only $11? Someone call the wine patrol and arrest this wine prostitute! The most pathetic issue in this is the wine was a cheapo California syrah. Makes you wonder if the varmint sold used cars prior to his current gig. Next up is another wine pusher that hyped up a French merlot, claiming his staff loved it. Of course, none of the staff dared put their name behind it. But, it sounded good! And, we all know merlot is a dead sell here thanks to that idiot movie. However, the most heinous violator in our absence was a gentleman of high esteem in the community. A man who serves his constituents well and versed dignified letters of pertinent commendation to individuals of current events. Unfortunately, between this individual’s intense obsession with all things mad in March, rabbits, and some orphan from Canadia, his negligence in regulating issues via an insubordinate server with a bloodline linked to HAL 9000 led to a blistering flood of identical emails that made all followers wonder if he had a few too many speaking engagements in the high-life district of Denver.

Nothing to fear for we have returned, for your viewing, this wine blog’s derrière. And yes, lots of codes and hidden goodies for you wine geeks to stay up-to-date on who’s plonking who in Woodyville.

My local schlepper turned me on to this hidden gem that is a “limited release.” This is the first in the line of “Gold” series that somewhat falls between the H3 single-AVA lineage and the value Grand Estates lineup. A so-called “couple of barrels” were set aside by Mexican John for this small-lot blend. Now, when one hears “a couple barrels,” one thinks maybe a 55-liter football or a standard 60-gallon cask but we are dealing with the state’s largest winery so their definition of a barrel probably resembles something closer in volume to a Heidelberg tun (almost 58,000 gallons) so be careful in your presumptions.

Whatever the background, this is still within the realm of the Grand Estates affordability and, as we all know from reading previous forecasts about the 2012 vintage here, the greatest rewards from the 2012-4 vintages will be wraught right here in the value village of $5-$12 wines. And, you would hard-pressed to find the breadth of cheap-ass quality Washington wines anywhere other than the Evil Empire that is Columbia Crest. You may have better-looking labels, L’Schoolhouse and Barney Griff, but the money’s in the stuffin’ and CC still does it better than anyone in Washington. And, this is where Washington wines are kickin’ ass lately. F- Chile. F- California. F- South Afuckra. And F- TJ’s. At nine lousy bucks, we be A-list stylin’!

Quite dandy with grilled lemongrass chicken breast, over-easy eggs, and marinated beef.

Tasted at 61-67 degrees on the IR temp gun. Magenta-garnet in the Riedel with a black pepper storm up the shnozz along with dark cherries. Surprisingly medium-full bodied on the palate with sustained flavors of raspberry, red plum, black pepper, black licorice, bitter herbs, and muddy boots. This is a wine for those desiring instant gratification along with thinking they are some wine expert either because (1) they drank more wine before the age of 21 than after, and/or (2) they have “lots of money,” therefore, they know wine.

Alcohol: 13.5%. Columbia Valley AVA. 52% cabernet franc, 38% syrah, 8% cabernet sauvignon, 2% merlot. First harvest date: 9-21-12. Fermented 7 days on skins. Aged 18 months in 10% new French oak. Power: 2/5. Balance: 2/5. Depth: 2/5. Finesse: 1/5. Rated: 87. Retail: $12. Club: $9.60. Paid: $9. Music pairing: “Style” by Taylor Swift. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.

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