Sineann 2013 Columbia Valley cabernet sauvignon

Around 3am, a Marietta, TX man aimed his trusty .38 revolver at a clueless armadillo sniffing through his property and fired three shots at the unwitting critter only to have one of the bullets ricocheted back into his jaw. In Gadebusch, Germany, a 41 year-old bicyclist took a nasty bruise to her boobs after a boar hunter’s bullet rebounded off the meaty animal and hit the metal underwire of her bra, causing a minor bruise instead of a skin-piercing potentially fatal blow. Out in Woodinville, turnout for the Washington wines auction was underwhelming in part due to this blog advising against paying exorbitant amounts of hard-earned cash on good wines that can be had at area tasting rooms for a dime. And, lastly, what do you tell wineries when they send their crafted wines to lowly punkass reviewers and return with a sub-90 rating? Dude, your plans backfired…

In case you missed it, we had a memorable wine run in the warehouse district this past weekend where a couple of fatties actually fought each other as they headed to the finish line. There’s nothing like a good chick fight, and it was free to watch! I should have squirted some Lover’s Package oil on them. However, this plague of leotarded locusts with tits then overwhelmed the tasting rooms in the area, which really pissed me off. Is there anything worse than a group of bitches swarming your tasting room and are totally clueless on how good your wines are? They were just there to get swacked as they displayed their awesome 35-inch waists. There should be an ordinance against fugly, middle-aged white women wearing Spandex who don’t buy any wines at a tasting room after-party.

Word is out that Betz (Mafia) Family Winery is charging $130 for a bottle of cabernet. Holy crap! Is this a re-labeled Quilceda Creek shiner? If true, this would be a first for a Woodinville-area winery. I have to say Woodinville- AREA because the winery claims to be located in Redmond, WA. Well, correction be stated as DeLille Cellars has been offering their grossly overpriced Grand Ciel cabernet for about the last ten years now and each of those bottlings went well past an honest Franklin. This is what is wrong about Woodinville these days. Sure, Jim Koch (then CEO of Redhook) predicted Woodinville would be the “Napa of the North” but did he guess that also included these stupid prices for a bottle of wine?

A solid bottle of wine, white or red, should be priced in the $20-$60 range. Why would anyone not employed at Amazon, Microsoft, Google, Facebook, or Windermere want to spend more? Is it because of the name on the bottle? Heck, I will buy a 3 liter Black Box cabernet and put masking tape over it and write Chuckles Smith over it and sell it for a couple hundred. I mean, like seriously… are you buying the wine for its prestige or for the real quality under the cork? Are wine buyers that hungry for status that they lose all concept of reality and spend more after-tax cash on 750 milliliters of 85% water than an all-parks day pass to Disneyland? Wineries that engage in such pricing practices will pay the price with the next downturn in the economy. And, that day is coming, folks.

Speaking of the Chuckster… this jackknob epitomizes all that is wrong with today’s winemakers. This wine industry is still very much a close-knit enclave of overly generous individuals who believe when everyone is helping each other, and actually care about each other’s successes, that the wineries as a whole, will prosper. But no, we have frizzy fuckfaces enter the region with a cocky I-don’t-give-a-fuck-about-you attitude after succeeding in selling off a childish label to Big Wine and now spreading, like a simian virus, the word that it’s everyone for him/herself. Playing the old “rockstar” persona just ain’t gonna fly here in Woodinville, which is why the silvery-haired old goat had to locate in soil-contaminated south Seattle. You can bet this eccentric will not be a fair player with the South Seattle Artisan Wineries group. You can also bet that when this goofball dies, no one will give a rip. Greed drives individuals more than community. Look for south Seattle to be the next Pottersville with this wank in town.

And, what’s up with this Washington Wine Month bullshit? What about the other eleven months? Like, we only sell Washington wines for 31 days out of the year? Don’t get me started…

Every now and then, a big box retailer of wine will offer a crazy deal on a well-hidden secret of a regional winery. Well, this ain’t one of them but still, for those wanting to expand their palate and take a calculated risk, low-end Sineann wines will not disappoint. This is good shade considering I don’t like Oregon wineries messing with Washington grapes. Oregon only knows pinot noir. And beer. Washington fucked itself by going all-in on IPAs. IPAs suck. IPAs are for poor college grunts looking to break into the real world. And for out-of-state Amazon nits who think they are entitled to be Seattle royalty. Hint: you’ll be working for someone else in a year or writing bullshit for Choad Enthusiast.

Tasted at 54-66 degrees on the IR temp gun. Clear dark magenta in the Riedel with dark, smoky fruit bubbling from the tulip. Full-bodied with medium residence on the palate, showing black fruits, black licorice, dried woody spices, brambleberry, and a soft violet finish.

Alcohol: 14.2%. Vineyards: Champoux, Phinny Hill, Canyons Red Mountain. Columbia Valley AVA. 675 cases. Stevin cap. Power: 3/5. Balance: 2/5. Depth: 2/5. Finesse: 3/5. Rated: 90. Value: $25. Retail: $30. Music pairing: “Backfired” by Debbie Harry. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.

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