It’s Apple Cup week. That means we celebrate the turkeys of the year, of which lately have been mostly the Washington Huskies football program and Washington wine bloggers, each with pathologic losing records. That means, we celebrate the LOSERS this week with notable merits for their pithy, trough-scraping achievements.
The Incontinent Shithole of The Year award goes to none other than Sean Peepee Sillyvain. This fluke couldn’t even attend a major university before his premature salt-n-pepper years (“Premature” is this d-bag’s nickname), couldn’t even hold a decent job until Amazon scooped up every last low-efficiency software developer in the city, even the dickless doods who were laid off at Rosetta. He sucked enough wart-pocked penises at a D-listed wine rag to get a gig and convert his reviews from retarded one-liners to the 100-point system that everyone under 80 years-old used as a reference to grade the quality of wines. That right there should have been an obvious clue to the relevance of these sketchy reviewers for wine rags. As if that wasn’t enough, this bum-sniffin’ asexual has the nerve to continue his anything-but-“independent” wine blog despite not shittin’ an ounce of honest wine reviewing, in favor of lap-dogging to the deep-pocket wineries and those not located in Walla Walla. Of course, he still loves to share pics of clay pots to age wine (woo! what a concept!) while rating donated wines after slogging through some 600 of them on a hot summer day, a procedure originated by the goats at Wine Creeps sprinting through the annual overinflated Taste WA convention. Let us conclude that the Feds train their bomb-sniffing dogs by tucking an issue of Choad Enthusiast in some jihadist’s luggage…
The Senior Wine Writer Posing As A Pedo award goes to Paul Guttless. This homophobe lemonparty chairman curmudgeon used to pollute the fishwrap, used to ingratiate the internet with his crusty, blackmailed reviews on his personal blog until the Anonymous boo-birds forced this raisin’d peckerhead to retreat to a private Facebook page where only those who continue to suck his clitoris are accepted. Somebody hit him over the head with his banjo…
The Get Your Fatass In The Gym award goes to Andy. While no doubt, the local fishwrap has incrementally improved in local wine coverage, this bloke does no favors exposing his extremely wide girth during tastings with the selected public. If there are any skepticisms as to how wine improves one’s health, this guy is the poster child. Note to Andy, all your work is for piss when you look as pathetic as you do. Shed the morbid obesity. Blame yourself for being required to purchase two seats on an airline. Drinking and reviewing wine should be about good looks and good figures. It should be an insult when one is called a ‘fatass’, not a compliment. Drop the size 60 corduroys and respect yourself. You’ll be dead in 5 years if you don’t. And no one in the industry will honor your work, because they can’t afford the metal.
The Anastasia and Drizella award goes to Shona420 and MargotO’Clock. Is there anything lamer than being called a Wine Diva or shlocking the monkeyass “It’s Wine O’clock Somewhere” retread jingle? Neither of these imbeciles acknowledges being a wine blogger but they are the first to hock a free wine they lifted from a tasting room newbie. It’s like a badge of honor when they score free tickets to a wine event. Like they are owed that ‘respect’. That’s because they only get respect as 50-somethings when they are slipped a ten-er for 15 minutes of “chrome polishing” time behind the counter.
Refuge & Prospect Winery (<1000 cases/year) is one of the hidden gems of the warehouse district because the tasting room is not located in the cluster of some 30+ wineries at 19501 144th Ave NE. Look for the sandwich board on your way there. The rustic interior is your hint that something eclectic is happening here. Winemaker Jason Baldwin got his major break making wine for Bookwalter Wines after dabbling in the industry in dead-end jobs with no "boning" potential. His first commercial wine is a 2008 chard-sauvignon blanc-viognier blend that has mellowed its off-the-charts acidity. He currently pours seven wines that mostly feature his two favorite vineyards–Conner Lee and Two Blondes.
The winery name is an ode to author Professor Jay Appleton's 1975 novel, The Experience of Landscape, which describes the human condition as both a refuge (safe haven) and prospect (opportunity and exploration) as it pertains to why we like specific wines– our wine preferences are driven by taste sensations we lived through to satisfy our innate desires. This fascination with English literature permeates to the fanciful names of Jason's other wine labels. We chose to lean on his $42 gem to get a no-excuses overview.
This is a pretty good wine from an upstart winery. Of course, it helps to have (1) a great vintage year and (2) two impeccable vineyard sources. With such bright fruit available, Jason chose to tone down the use of new French oak (40%) in this merlot-dominant blend. A great feature-wine for Thanksgiving.
Tasted at 60-67 degrees on the IR temp gun. Dark garnet in the Riedel expressing aromas of black rose, black currant, making a blackberry pie in grandma's kitchen, black cherry, black pepper, light smoke and black violets. Full, soft, and enduring.
Alcohol: 13.3%. Columbia Valley AVA. 54% merlot, 19% malbec, 18% cabernet sauvignon, 9% cabernet franc. 140 cases. Power: 3/5. Balance: 3/5. Depth: 3/5. Finesse: 3/5. Rated: 92. Value: $35. Music pairing: "Lean On” by Major Lazer. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.