Wine bloggers in Washington still just don’t get it.
First, some background. To “qualify” as a Washington wine blogger, one must be either unemployed or unemployable. You know the plethora of examples if you are a regular to this blog.
Next, you need to either be so uninteresting that you’d make Oprah or Ellen fall asleep on ya, or you just have no real friends that, in your desperation and after a failed Tinder date with a redneck, you resort to blogging about wine because that’s just what losers do.
Once you’re “in,” you partake in the bacchanal of all things fake friends do… gush over another blogger’s retarded tweets or Facebook post; meetup at a wine event and totally go into fanboy or fangirl mode; and, ultimately, score a date with another smelly gonad and end up fornicating on the Ikea after greasing up on lube.
Oh, and did I mention? No… it has nothing to do with discussing the wines because “if it ain’t free, it ain’t for mee.”
So, let’s look at a recent newsfeed…
Good ol’ Margot SavOn. She claims to write for free juice, specifically free wine she poaches from asshat wineries that buy into her entitlement. When she’s not shaking her pompoms for Efeste, of which she claims to be a club member, she’s hyping up not a wine but… sushi??! Um yeah, I follow wine bloggers just to see what kind of sushi they like. F. U., Margot, you dumbass. Still. And get a facejob while you’re at it.
Next in the batter’s box is Shona. Oh, how this blog has made thousands just in requoting the utter nonsense from this saggy-boobed wine moocher that led to Columbia Winery’s demise. “Grilled tritip… from hotstovesociety…with wapotatoes…” Nothing about wine but plenty about she steals food from clueless vendors using her 2nd grade spelling talent.
As a final prick… there’s Sean. This once unemployed, undesirable, ‘I majored in psychology at a miniscule liberal arts junket in upstate New York so I can boast that I would have been a neurosurgeon but that required too much intelligence so I took a hike out here on Tiger Mountain and now I call myself a mountaineer’ is the epitome of faking-it-til-you-make-it. The only characteristic about his liberalness refers to his sexual preference, which explains the open sores around his mouth. This cad has no qualms showing the tattooed “Choad Enthusiast” on his clitoris on Twitter. This is the D-listed beverage publication with the shitty photos and awkward wine reviews from individuals who sucked their way to the top. Really, the dud rents a rickety room on Wallingford Ave. Ask yourself why you would even listen to advice from someone who can’t afford a real house, drive a real car, and go to a real job. And, the guy doesn’t judge wines at competitions because he simply cannot tell the difference between a cabernet and a merlot. He’s a fool and if you know someone who likes him, they’re a fool, too.
What’s in a label? All too often, the mid-priced wines on those store shelves are solely judged not on the contents, but how cute, hip, or sophisticated the label appears. A consumer’s decision on buying a wine takes 12 seconds after scanning the rows of screaming juice. Factors that aid in the decision include the obvious: (1) eye-level placement; (2) regional/varietal designation by the store; (3) flashing yellow cards signifying a “sale”; and (4) the label. Never mind the reputation of the winery. Or the specification from high quality origins. Or even the vintage year. The final call between two bottles of cheap wine to purchase falls down to the label, folks. Once you understand that, then you know that the money went into marketing more than the quality of the winemaking.
Thankfully, this bottle from Powers Winery backs up its silkscreened label with quality single-vineyard juice from an underappreciated region of Washington.
First of all, there aren’t too many bottles in the marketplace of sub-$20 wines that utilize the sexy silkscreened look that such classic wineries as Fidelitas, (the former) Olsen Estates, and Quilceda Creek use to promote their wines, so when it’s there, standing alongside those cheap red tricycles, ugly housewives, and childish house wines labels, it’s an easy attention-getter.
Then, there are the savvy wine buyers like those found here. We know the history (Powers has been around a loooong time and is one of the big boys). We know the vintage year (2013 was the second in the current string of outstanding vintages). We know the wine (cabernet sauvignon is king in Washington). We know the region (Wahluke Slope is hot, year in and year out). And, it is single vineyard (Coyote) which means you will taste the land the grapes were grown in. This is wine for discerning wine drinkers.
For those still paying off their student loans, this is a Saturday night special. For the rest of us, who hit it big in the market, this is what we call a Tuesday nighter.
The pros: good fruit up front, nice label, nothing defective, nice label, great with chocolate cookies, and nice label.
The cons: this would have been a fantastic wine… in 1990. Lacks complexity. Lacks length.
Tasted at 59-66 degrees on the IR temp gun. Standard magenta in the Riedel with sensual notes of blackberries, red summer fruits, and roasted willow bark. A bit thorny on the palate with some grit going down but expressing black and red fruits including black cherry, doublemint, and level 3 toast. Good through 2019.
Alcohol: 14.0%. Aged 32 months in 70% new French oak. pH 3.80. Acid 0.64. 648 cases. Power: 2/5. Balance: 2/5. Depth: 2/5. Finesse: 2/5. Rated: 88. Value: $19. Paid: $17. Music pairing: “Big Boys” by Chuck Berry. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.