On this momentous day celebrating joy and peace (and a new iPad Pro!), we offered Shona169 to host our awards program because no other hooch within city limits poached more free wine from dumbass wineries than the old goat. Unfortunately, she is being sought by Sand Diego PD for allegedly stabbing a man who simply asked if she had an extra cigarette. How do we know? Because the cops gave a description of a “400 lb. bearded woman” with a sick fetish for horses. And let’s give a hearty sigh of relief as two retards in our wine galaxy are tying the knot soon. These two wine knobs first met on OKCupid when she was managing a roach buffet and he was (and still is) a struggling bullshitter of wines he couldn’t afford. They had their ups and downs–she discovered he only has a 2-inch prick, and he woke up the next day after a short coitus only to find out she looks like Bowser took a crap on her face and did its post-defecating leg scratch. It’s called “coyote syndrome” for a reason, but Sean was later able to reattach his left arm once he accepted his life would be over. As a silver lining to this pathetic romance, you can bet I will be one of the servers at their reception. Get ready for some real fun when I accidentally “spill” some California champagne on both their heads. And, let’s all give thanks that she’s too old to reproduce and he’s too infertile to even make it a consideration.
To the awards…
Best tasting room experience: Facelli Winery. This is Lou’s swan song as he is set to hang it up and no successor wants to carry on. One of Woodinville’s originals going back about 30 years when there were only the Chateau and Columbia Winery to get your wine fix. The family always gives a hearty greeting to everyone entering and Lou talks to you like he’s known you forever. Year in and year out, wine veterans could count on the consistency of his wines and personality. And, he signed his bottles without hesitation. A class act through and through.
Rookie of The Year: Refuge & Prospect Winery. Jason Baldwin is in the right place, with the right wine, at the right time. His lineup of wines is solid and displays full Washington character. Why the hell would winemakers want to make wines that make you think of some outpost in France? These are grapes grown in Washington, vinified in Washington, and labeled as Washington. We are not France. We don’t give a flying f*ck about France. I want my Washington wines to taste like they are from Washington. Some hoidy toidy winemakers need to grow some testicles and be proud of their Washington wines that exemplify the spirit and state of Washington. ‘Nuff said.
Winery of The Year: Davenport Cellars. Those who know Jeff and Sheila Jirka know how far this wonderful couple has come along in their wine journey. They started out in a quaint shoebox of a winery and tasting room, lost a wonderful pet on the way as well as selling some prime Red Mountain acreage they had planned for an estate vineyard, then moved into much bigger quarters and added a full kitchen, fireplace, and game area to their expanded tasting zone. And let’s not forget, the wines have grown in quality to where these no longer taste like a small family operation, but more of a serious player in the warehouse district. No other winery is flying up the growth chart faster and packing heavier vibe than this winery in 2015.
White Wine of The Year: Guardian Cellars ‘Angel’. Still the best since like nineteen-forever.
Value of The Year: Davenport Cellars 2013 Snowflake white wine. In a vintage year where the best deals were found in the value range ($8-20), this wine gave the Angel a serious run for the gold. Far and away, the best white wine under $20 with a captivating spectrum of fruit flavors that best express the synergy that comes from a sauvignon blanc-semillon blend in our state. Oh sure, you could spend $40 at another place and wait (and hope) for a few years, but this one’s batting its long, thick eyelashes at you right now.
Washington Wine of The Year: Betz Family Winery 2012 Le Parrain. don’t dwell on the sticker shock of this bottle. It’s an amazing wine full of Bob’s masterful coaxing and twining of flavors from fruit, barrel, earth, and herbs. It is surreal. The wildest of dreams.
Merry F’N Christmas, winos! I gotta get on the next plane out of here…
Next week, we will feature Anny Sillyvain’s Top 100 me-too retweets of 2015.