How about that?
Fourteen fat-fucks associated with the hierarchy in soccer’s world governing body, FIFA, were indicted by the United States for “rampant, systemic, and deep-rooted” corruption. Charges include taking over a hundred million dollars in bribes in exchange for votes as to where the next World Cup will be held. Evidence includes witnesses and video footage of the real exchange of money for favors. Apparently, this grotesque form on “pay to play” has been in play for a couple of generations. Word of caution to all the wine reviewing fuckfaces of the rags like Wine Spectator, Wine Advocate, and the lesser pubs like Wine Enthusiast and Food and Wine: baby, all that free wine you extorted from desperate wineries ain’t gonna pay for your bail. Count this blog in as to who filed a complaint with the Department of Justice against these unscrupulous rags.
As for another sign of the coming Armageddon, a Seattle cop killer who is currently playing the mentally insane card was described by prosecutors as “not normal but not insane” after being asked by the judge what similarities the defendant had compared to local wine bloggers.
The multi-generation unwashed armpit of Seattle, aka Central District, is now projected to be less than 10% (by 2024) of the root cause as more Asians and Latinos gentrify the centrally located inner-city zone known for drive-by killings, muggings, and gang-related sorties. Of course, that filthy, putrid trash of a ghetto population has to move somewhere, and generally, that move is southbound so expect more violence to overrun the quiet communities of Skyway, Tukwila, Renton, and Kent. That’s what happens when all you can afford is fortified wines wrapped in a brown bag. Hey, at least it’s environmentally friendly!
Of course, morally vacuumed dimwits are not limited by color. Soon-to-be former State Auditor Troy Kelly has to deal with a new accusation that he used stolen funds to pay for his defense of tax evasion. Whether it’s blue-collar, white-collar, or a fat-lipped orange-jumper, a crime is a crime and the bill comes due for these swindlers.
Your phone is a computer so, yes Martha, it can crash like one, also. Android users have long known of its vulnerability to viruses, worms, and other malware which can hijack a users control and steal personal information. Well, that also includes, albeit to a much lesser extent, iPhone users as it was recently revealed that a nonsensical string of Arabic characters in a message can cause the iOS to crash. A belated welcome to the wired world for those who thought these problems would never affect them. so naïve.
Back to Stupid Seattle News…
Some numbnut with nothing to do over the weekend decided to jack an Ezell’s Express food truck from a Kent storage facility then stripping the insides of $100,000 worth of fryers and refrigerators before abandoning it under the Spokane Street Bridge where it was found on Tuesday morning. Like yeah, how are you gonna sell or use that equipment without getting snitched on? And, to top that, a car thief in Ballard, aka New Florida, smashed and grabbed a pair of sunglasses from a couple’s gas-powered horse, thinking he made off with some easy cash. But, in typical hoodlum intelligence, he didn’t bother with the lottery ticket that was resting under those same sunglasses. That lottery ticket turned out to be worth $1 million that the couple later verified.
It’s been busy here at world headquarters lately with several kickball teams headed for the playoffs. We know many of you readers are sad to not get your weekly fix of real wine reviews from reviewers who know their shit about wines and are not afraid to throw a right hook to anyone who disputes this fact, but… it is what it is. This has been an unusually busy year with the change in strategy of the mother ship that pays our bills so hang in there, Joan, we are workin’ our asses off but we be whistlin’ like sistahs!
JM Cellars has been off the radar, so to speak, on many wine blogger’s radars simply because they despise these cheesy halfwits who write with the artistic skill of a doofus. Not much has changed with this winery, other than the addition of the estate Margaret’s Vineyard at SeVein. Yes, parking is still at a premium at their reclusive winery and their wines are still very difficult to find; however, they are producing more wine so that means, if you’re a professional wine sleuth, you can acquire a rare bottle at specific outlets and at specific times of the year.
We are fortunate enough to have yet another early summer here in the Seattle area so that means popping a lot of white wines at 5:31pm. The rose wines have been meh so thankfully, we have a better option in the releases of sauvignon blancs. While other white wines have been questionable in their quality over the 2012-14 warm stretch vintages (with ’15 expected to be warmer), the sauv blancs have been consistent with muscle-y melon, citrus, and tropical fruit flavors. I mean, what more can you expect out of a sauv blanc up here? The gravelly, mineral flavors have always played a foundation role but why would anyone expect any less? Lesser sauv blancs fall prey to a winemaker’s apathy. Overcropped yields, mal-judicious use of oak, and/or neglect of acid management conveniently leads to a flappy lemon drop of a wine. Thankfully, and this is never a given, Woodinville is endowed with winemakers that give a rip when it comes to producing the state’s best sauvignon blancs. And yes, I’m talking about all those faceless, blended sauvignon blancs made east of the Cascades.
It is no secret that a sauvignon blanc made by a Woodinville winery has been owning the annual white wine awards here on this blog. It’s good shit, mon. So, to be fair, we have sent scouts out to find every other worthy sauvignon blanc made in the area that should be considered for pertinence. JM Cellars has always been known for quality so we did our due diligence and found its offspring playing happily in a wooden bin at a discount merchandiser. And, this is what we found…
Tasted at 53-59 degrees on the IR temp gun. Color: illuminescent light gold. Nose: cantaloupe, melon, pitcher lemon. Mouthfeel: medium-weight. Tail trail: 8 seconds. Flavors: apple, melon, grapefruit, white gravel, tropics, crisp acids on opening. A great pairing with Vietnamese appetizers. Now, some lunkhead senior wine writer claimed “toast” from a “barrel” but this wine never saw the inside of any barrel. Good going, Greg P. Utt– you dumbass. The attorney general wants to have a word with you, but she’s afraid you’re too damn ugly to approach and might get infected with all those wrinkles you gots.
Alcohol: 14.2%. 5% semillon. Red Mountain AVA. Fermented in 100% stainless steel. Power: 2/5. Balance: 2/5. Depth: 2/5. Finesse: 3/5. Choad Enthusiast rated this a ’91’ so you know what this got from this blog. This wine was featured in a recent pit dance party inside Kirkland city limits and all hell broke loose by the end of the night. So, drink at your own risk of revealing your hidden organs. Just sayin’. Value: $20. Paid: $20. Music pairing: “Whistle” by Katy Tiz. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.