Refuge & Prospect Winery 2012 Dark Arts red wine

It’s Apple Cup week. That means we celebrate the turkeys of the year, of which lately have been mostly the Washington Huskies football program and Washington wine bloggers, each with pathologic losing records. That means, we celebrate the LOSERS this week with notable merits for their pithy, trough-scraping achievements.

The Incontinent Shithole of The Year award goes to none other than Sean Peepee Sillyvain. This fluke couldn’t even attend a major university before his premature salt-n-pepper years (“Premature” is this d-bag’s nickname), couldn’t even hold a decent job until Amazon scooped up every last low-efficiency software developer in the city, even the dickless doods who were laid off at Rosetta. He sucked enough wart-pocked penises at a D-listed wine rag to get a gig and convert his reviews from retarded one-liners to the 100-point system that everyone under 80 years-old used as a reference to grade the quality of wines. That right there should have been an obvious clue to the relevance of these sketchy reviewers for wine rags. As if that wasn’t enough, this bum-sniffin’ asexual has the nerve to continue his anything-but-“independent” wine blog despite not shittin’ an ounce of honest wine reviewing, in favor of lap-dogging to the deep-pocket wineries and those not located in Walla Walla. Of course, he still loves to share pics of clay pots to age wine (woo! what a concept!) while rating donated wines after slogging through some 600 of them on a hot summer day, a procedure originated by the goats at Wine Creeps sprinting through the annual overinflated Taste WA convention. Let us conclude that the Feds train their bomb-sniffing dogs by tucking an issue of Choad Enthusiast in some jihadist’s luggage…

The Senior Wine Writer Posing As A Pedo award goes to Paul Guttless. This homophobe lemonparty chairman curmudgeon used to pollute the fishwrap, used to ingratiate the internet with his crusty, blackmailed reviews on his personal blog until the Anonymous boo-birds forced this raisin’d peckerhead to retreat to a private Facebook page where only those who continue to suck his clitoris are accepted. Somebody hit him over the head with his banjo…

The Get Your Fatass In The Gym award goes to Andy. While no doubt, the local fishwrap has incrementally improved in local wine coverage, this bloke does no favors exposing his extremely wide girth during tastings with the selected public. If there are any skepticisms as to how wine improves one’s health, this guy is the poster child. Note to Andy, all your work is for piss when you look as pathetic as you do. Shed the morbid obesity. Blame yourself for being required to purchase two seats on an airline. Drinking and reviewing wine should be about good looks and good figures. It should be an insult when one is called a ‘fatass’, not a compliment. Drop the size 60 corduroys and respect yourself. You’ll be dead in 5 years if you don’t. And no one in the industry will honor your work, because they can’t afford the metal.

The Anastasia and Drizella award goes to Shona420 and MargotO’Clock. Is there anything lamer than being called a Wine Diva or shlocking the monkeyass “It’s Wine O’clock Somewhere” retread jingle? Neither of these imbeciles acknowledges being a wine blogger but they are the first to hock a free wine they lifted from a tasting room newbie. It’s like a badge of honor when they score free tickets to a wine event. Like they are owed that ‘respect’. That’s because they only get respect as 50-somethings when they are slipped a ten-er for 15 minutes of “chrome polishing” time behind the counter.

Refuge & Prospect Winery (<1000 cases/year) is one of the hidden gems of the warehouse district because the tasting room is not located in the cluster of some 30+ wineries at 19501 144th Ave NE. Look for the sandwich board on your way there. The rustic interior is your hint that something eclectic is happening here. Winemaker Jason Baldwin got his major break making wine for Bookwalter Wines after dabbling in the industry in dead-end jobs with no "boning" potential. His first commercial wine is a 2008 chard-sauvignon blanc-viognier blend that has mellowed its off-the-charts acidity. He currently pours seven wines that mostly feature his two favorite vineyards–Conner Lee and Two Blondes.

The winery name is an ode to author Professor Jay Appleton's 1975 novel, The Experience of Landscape, which describes the human condition as both a refuge (safe haven) and prospect (opportunity and exploration) as it pertains to why we like specific wines– our wine preferences are driven by taste sensations we lived through to satisfy our innate desires. This fascination with English literature permeates to the fanciful names of Jason's other wine labels. We chose to lean on his $42 gem to get a no-excuses overview.

This is a pretty good wine from an upstart winery. Of course, it helps to have (1) a great vintage year and (2) two impeccable vineyard sources. With such bright fruit available, Jason chose to tone down the use of new French oak (40%) in this merlot-dominant blend. A great feature-wine for Thanksgiving.

Tasted at 60-67 degrees on the IR temp gun. Dark garnet in the Riedel expressing aromas of black rose, black currant, making a blackberry pie in grandma's kitchen, black cherry, black pepper, light smoke and black violets. Full, soft, and enduring.

Alcohol: 13.3%. Columbia Valley AVA. 54% merlot, 19% malbec, 18% cabernet sauvignon, 9% cabernet franc. 140 cases. Power: 3/5. Balance: 3/5. Depth: 3/5. Finesse: 3/5. Rated: 92. Value: $35. Music pairing: "Lean On” by Major Lazer. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.

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K Vintners 2011 The Hidden syrah

This world is full on imbeciles posing as intelligent life.

Look at Sean, imitating a well-traveled wine reviewer for Choad Enthusiast who can switch from one-word gimmick reviews to the 100-point standard. And, of course, free wine tasted in unknown conditions tastes just as good as that bought at the store or tasting room and spotted on the dining table. Yeah riiiiiiight…

South Carolina has been on fire since the resignation of Steve Spurrier. The Palmetto State is home to a young couple who repeatedly called 9-1-1 to report that “possums and people were jumping out of their refrigerator and microwave” in addition to “pictures of worms coming out of the floor of their vehicle as well as midgets and other people camouflaged.” The po-po deduced that these druggies were under the influence of flakka and were promptly booked. Not too further up the road, both teenage black twin boys were booked into juvey after getting busted at that upscale Nordstrom-like beauty joint, Wal-Mart, for lifting facial cream and deodorant, respectively. After all, when you’re 17 years old, you need to pay attention to your wrinkles and b.o. Of course, when it comes to stupid news, we cannot escape the vortex of Florida– a Palm Harbor 26 year-old man was arrested for pushing his 82 year-old grandmother because he wasn’t able to use a debit card to purchase a cake. If you are from Florida, then you understand. If you are from anywhere other than Florida, well you know… smh. Leave it to the other Washington (D.C.) for this one… a couple of black women are wanted for sexually abusing a black male customer at a convenience store where one of the hoochies twerked her butt in the area of his Johnson while the other ho grabbed his crotch and tried to plant one on his lips. If you know these bitches, you are asked to call the wineman immediately. And, finally, idiocy is not limited to Americans. A university in Shanghai, China recently issued a memorandum forbidding students from uncivilized shows of public affection such as feeding each other with spoons, chopsticks, or other utensils. It did not specifically mention penises so one can assume that’s still communicable…

Speaking of the slaves that make our cheap, plastic tools tainted with cadmium, one-party China’s retail wine industry is recovering after the Commies finally cracked down on ridiculous lavish spending for official parties where concubines are traded as easily as American business secrets. Wines that were marked up 1000% are returning to the normal 40-100% markups as officials (the only ones who could afford to buy 1st growths) feared execution if caught abusing their party-issued AmEx cards. You think I’m kidding?

Which brings us to this topic… pride-filled winemakers are commonly faced with a quandary: “Do I sell my top-line wine to a clueless chap with shitloads of money?” Some winemakers are quite territorial and if they discover you are an idiot who only wants to buy wine to christen his new 15-foot fishing “yacht” and want to do it with your $80 limited-release, highly-collectible, and small-lot cabernet sauvignon, would you sell the fool that bottle? The bloke doesn’t even know, through tasting your lineup, what the difference is between a cabernet and a grenache. Would you do it? What does it say if you did or didn’t? This is what your tasting room employees have to endure on Sundays.

Here’s another… some fool walks in and goes through the tasting menu then wants only that special “club only release” that he got to sample with a neighboring couple that are club members so he can impress his buddies at the next Seahawks gameday party. He is told that he has to join the club in order to purchase the wine, even though he mentioned he is not interested in joining another wine club. He freely admits he will join the wine club to get a case of the limited wine but will then end his membership the next day after acquiring his wines. Do you sell him the free, no-strings membership?

Tasting room employees (more like “volunteers”) are the most-abused area of the winery, and yet, they are the “face” of the winery when the winemakers aren’t available, which is commonly the weekends in some wineries here. They get paid 15 year-old wages and a gratuitous bottle of the winery’s finest for each shift, and if they’re lucky, any leftover wines from a day’s pouring. You’ll notice who they are from all the bitten lips and steam burns on their ears. Dealing with the wine public on weekends is like sticking a splintered broomstick up your hoo-hah or glory hole. There should be extra hazard pay for groups like wedding parties and buses. It’s a thankless job but, hey, you get to check out the clientele and score a few phone numbers and free f*cks now and then. This is why your favorite winery has a revolving door of pourers over time– when the thrill of working at a winery is gone (as well as the taste of STDs), it makes no financial sense to be involved in the wine industry at the retail level. That’s how they know they f*cked up…

Speaking of f*cked up, why are all the wine blogger lemmings still enamored with K Vintners? The winery’s labels are outdated. Once a gimmick, the simple, childish black-n-white drawings look out of place for a $70 bottle of juice. The whole concept is passé. If Charley and Charlie want to be relevant from 2016 on, then instead of hiring nymphs to handle Southeast accounts, how about updating the labels to match the quality of the wines? Look at Schoolhouse No. 41… gone is the pre-school colored artwork, replaced with a real picture of the winery building and looking more regal in color. Look at Columbia Crest… even their lower-tiered wines got the upscale marketing label so cheapass wine gugglers could feel they belong with the boutique wineries with closed mailing lists. Sure, it’s nice to grease the wine reviewers with free $70 bottles of wines for high numbers but it’s tiring. It also belittles everyone behind that label who were involved in making the wines, including the farmers who looked exasperated when asked to drop fruit down to 1.5 tons/acre. Chuck, clean up your act and stick your millions up your kid’s rear end. You are a blight to the local wine industry. $140 for a syrah with a wooden nickel label… are you competing with Rasa, which is another Walla Walla winery with no sense for luxury marketing?

Overrated. And the winerags are in on perpetuating the notion that this is a super high-end syrah. Bullshit. This is how you know. Right here.

Tasted at 58-64 degrees on the IR temp gun. Dark magenta in the Riedel expressing dusty white pepper, plum, ripe raspberry, and feral herbs on a steady palate with a display of red plum, red licorice, crushed stone, tart cherry, red currant, meat closet, and a pinch of Salish Sea salt. Tastes filtered.

Alcohol: 14.5%. Northridge Vineyard. Wahluke Slope AVA. Syrah clones 174, 383, 470, Phelps. 1.85 tons/acre. Native yeast, hand drawn, basket pressed. Aged 40% in new French barrels (Ermitage, Saury) for 22 months. TA 0.59. pH 3.63. Retail: $70. Value: $40. Power: 3/5. Balance: 3/5. Depth: 3/5. Finesse: 3/5. Rated: 92. Music pairing: “That’s How You Know” by Nico & Vinz. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.

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Powers Winery 2012 Kiona Vineyards Reserve cabernet sauvignon

Words of the Year. Gawd if that doesn’t make my neck hairs cringe when I hear blah-blah’s-of-the-year bullshit. Even word-mongers have it. What’s even more depressing is that millenials are pushing sway over the de-evolution of our species’ lexicon. Update your noggin’ when those entitled, options-rich but cash-poor hipsters enter your domaine for an “exclusive tasting of only your best wines.” *barf*

accepted def: men who habitually spread their legs on public transportation so that no one will sit next to them.
WAwineman def: something that Sean is not physically able to do simply because… he ain’t a man. More like a meathead.

accepted def: in biological terms, XX full-on acting like XY, and vice-versa.
WAwineman def: Caitlyn Jenner took a cue from Sean Sillyvain and the rest is history.

accepted def: the body of a typical slovenly, sloppy middle-aged male with diabeetus, hypatenshen, and more blood cholesterol than red blood cells.
WAwineman def: typical obese, multi-fold, broke-ass figure of a local smellier who has to eat and drink leftovers from work because the bitch just can’t afford to buy groceries.

Binge watch
accepted def: watching an entire season of one tv show in one sitting, generally via dvds or digital streaming.
WAwineman def: watching Sean cream through 600 donated bottles of wine in a day and having the nerve to assign a point value, of which the Elmer Fudd of wine rating has no experience in, other than terse, one-word jingles that even he abandoned because NO ONE else could be so retarded to rate wines that way.

accepted def: related to the dating website of the same name where undateable individuals, using their dumbphones, use their finger to swipe right (yes) or left (no) on profiles of their next date.
WAwineman def: that’s Sean again after being constipated for a week (because we all know he’s full of shit), he rips a five-pounder morning deuce but because he cannot afford to buy toilet paper from Grossery Outlet, he wipes his hairless face asshole with his bare right hand. Yes, the one he shakes hands with winemakers he wants to lift wines from.

Clean eating
accepted def: the latest healthy-eating food movement
WAwineman def: what smelliers call a party invite by Sean that turns into a dominatrix orgy where they all get on their knees and do their thing on Sean. You can check if your favorite smellier has been to one lately by asking to see the rugburns on his knees.

Powers Winery is full of modern Washington wine history and, combined with Red Mountain’s first vineyard, this winery is the “chapter 2” (after Harrison Hill and Associated Vintners) of all that is for today’s Washington wine landscape. You can read about the colorful characters back in the day in Ron Irvine’s deliciously iconic, essential, and all-encompassing book, The Wine Project. Thee truly (and only) essential book on Washington wine.

Eggplant violet in the Riedel, expressing pungent blackberry, charred forest, ripe cherry, and mature cedar aromas. Full and long on the palate with flavors of black currant, black earth, grilled tumbleweeds, double shot espresso grounds, and raspberry. Pray for integration.

Alcohol: 14.0%. Red Mountain AVA. 56% north block, 44% block 8. TA 0.62. pH 3.76. Aged 28 months in 60% new French oak. 802 cases. Released June 1, 2015. Power: 3/5. Balance: 2/5. Depth: 3/5. Finesse: 2/5. Rated: 90. Value: $25. Retail: $35. Music pairing: “Can’t Feel My Face” by The Weeknd. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.

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Evening Land Vineyards 2011 Seven Springs Vineyard pinot noir (Oregon)

Sounders WIN, bitches!!!

The best odd news is real news and last night’s Republican presidential debate was at odd as it gets in politics. Every major candidate revealed themselves as blatant liars who cannot stand on their own merit, who lack diplomatic graciousness, and who show more interest in tearing apart the competition than facing the real issues plaguing America today. Never mind acknowledging a strong domestic economy with low unemployment and how to further the current bull market. Never mind that our country is still at war in a far off land that we have no business in– problems in the Middle East should be dealt with by the narcissitic regimes swaddling the cheap bath towels on their heads in that region. Our vehicles are more dangerous to be on the road than ever before due to a lack of tire and airbag accountability. Our local educational system is run by parents more interested in seeking political office than improving the intelligence of the next generation. And the mayor wants Seattle to be car-free by sticking guilt-inducing global warming notes on gas pumps. These are the same individuals that wanted to kick out the old cronies that ran the country by back-door negotiating and compromise and install poorly-educated rebel partiers who play the “infant card” and refuse to go along with the status quo if they don’t fully get their way. Readers, show your stiff middle finger to the system by voting for WAwineman for president! F- the Republicans. F- the Democrats. F- the Progressives. A bottle of Washington wine on every table in America is the rallying cry! Stand by your WAwineman!

Getting back to the nonsense around these parts…

A Bremerton public high school football coach is now on paid administrative leave for defying his boss’s order not to pray after games. While members of Congress supported the coach, the fact remains… he defied his boss’s orders. First rule in business: regardless of common sense, if you’re not asked to do a felony, then do as your boss says. Stick your personal religious beliefs up your rear end and do it. If the coach was so adamant in having a post-game prayer, then do it at a private school, free of any contradictory church-state divisions.

This will be interesting… an infamous band of hackers will be releasing the names of KKK members soon, some 1000 of them. Local wine gluggers predict more free advertising for inept, entitled wine bloggers and senior wine writers for D-listed wine mags.

Speaking of Paul Guttless, looks like he was doing a wine tour in the eastern states of Maryland and Pennsylvania as it was reported that a fat, white dirigible was on the loose trying to score free wines in the area. Said one local shopkeeper, “We thought he was going to buy wine. We saw him open his empty wallet. We called 911, who said they were tracking him.”

Speaking of Sean Sillyvain, Donald Trump summarized why the asexual, two-inch prick successfully complained to Google to remove this blog from top search results (but failed with Bing because we “know” peeps there), “WAwineman was getting too successful, like me, and became the top dog in popularity. Sean’s poll numbers tanked, that’s why he’s on the end.” The Don is always right, ain’t he?

Evening Land Vineyards started up from a former movie producer a decade ago and has garnered sterling world-class numbers for its pinot noir and chardonnays in the heart of Oregon pinot noir country, the Willamette Valley AVA. The winery’s story is well-documented but that is not why the wine is spotlighted on this long-running blog.

Anyone worth her/his spit in wine knows good Oregon pinot noir costs more than a wooded Washington cabernet. And, single-vineyard gems from well-known producers can easily command prices of $50 to $150. This is not hype. There is nothing to sell here. There are no financial or free samples interest to gain here, unlike all the other wine blogs. Evening Land currently owns the “best ever” rating of ’98’ for its pinot noir from another wine rag of all Oregon wines. Top Dog.

So, it was a surprise to get a tip that their 2011 Seven Springs Vineyard pinot noir ($50 on website) was selling in the area for the unheard of price of $24. That’s below the price of most of the cuvees (multi-vineyard blends) that make it to the Seattle market. Strong recommendation to get some at this price as it plays to its retail value right now and will get better over the next three years and keep thrilling for another decade.

Tasted at 64-68 degrees on the IR temp gun. Mesmerizing deep royal garnet in the Riedel Oregon pinot noir crystal, with notes of Victorian rose garden, huckleberry, strawberry jam, black cherry, and red currant with an astonishing presence on the palate reminiscent of your high school dream date wearing a silky prom dress of cherry, cranberry, raspberry, red licorice, and a light hint of truffle overseen by a firm parental acid backbone. Bring this lusty lady back home by midnight…

Alcohol: 13.0%. Eola-Amity Hills AVA. Clones: Pommard and Dijon 777, 114, and 115. Aged 16 months in French oak (30% new). Unfined. Bottled April 14, 2013. 2700 cases. Power: 2/5. Balance: 3/5. Depth: 3/5. Finesse: 3/5. Rated: 91. Value: $45. Music pairing: “Train In Vain” by The Clash. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.

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Davenport Cellars 2013 Snowflake white wine

Iconic quotes from the past week:

“Drunk driving is not cool.” That’s Whitney Beall, a 23 year-old from (where else?) Florida, who livecasted her drunk driving skills on Periscope, daring her audience to see if she can get a DUI while driving home with Shona… er, make that a flat front left tire.

“A mistake was made.” That was good ol’ Jim Harbaugh describing the final 10 seconds of his Wolverines football team attempting to punt on 4th-and-2, ahead 23-21. It’s Michigan. You just knew something bad would happen and it did.

“We are going to outlast this.” Future Hall-of-Famer Earl Thomas muttered this, with divisive team undertones (see Kam’s contract) embedded, after the Seahawks blow yet another 4th quarter lead, this time to those bastard Panthers. Has there been a more agonizing Seahawks season in recent memory? Ever?

“We had too many self-inflicted wounds.” Huskies coach Chris Peterson on his team’s underwhelming performance against a weak Oregon opponent. Probably the first thing that comes to mind is UW’s team is too young to understand how hated the Ducks are. A visit to Autzen Stadium next year should resolve that when they get a full dose of ugly.

“We had a great first half.” WSU’s coach Mike Leach on his team’s 45-17 first-half annihilation of visiting Oregon State on Homecoming Day. The intent behind his game summary is that WSU went flat in the 2nd half, losing 14-7, but still winning the game and consensus as the state’s best team right now. Huck the Fuskies.

“100% Jameson’s!” This, a facepalm response by Sean Sillyvain (he’s still silly, he’s still vain) after being asked what kind of taint he likes with his wine.

“?”. This was a typical Shona response after being asked what was her most recent Washington wine purchase. This wine moocher diva continues to prowl tasting rooms, begging for free wine samples to support her DSHS-diva lifestyle and 80-pointsplus daily diet on Overweight Watchers.

The summer has seen some wonderful white wines released to the masses, but none have been compelling enough to unseat Guardian Cellars’ ‘Angel’ sauvignon blanc… until, quite possibly, now.

Davenport Cellars has been the quaint, quiet, and wallflower micro-winery in the warehouse district until a recent upgrade to more than double their wine-tasting square footage about 100 meters from their former site. The tasting room is now a must-visit as it includes a big screen tv, games, a living room section, and fresh bites from the kitchen. Of course, all of this wouldn’t matter if the wines sucked. But, those familiar with Jeff and Sheila Jirka’s skill and suave know that it is the atmosphere that is finally catching up to the wines.

DC’s wine lineup includes both reds and whites, with an emphasis on their top-tier Bordeaux-style blends. While their wines have always been a good value– a great weeknight sipper!, the Jirkas do not opt for the “home run” style of winemaking that caters to commercial publications. This is a couple with grace and design, not unlike the Blues of Adams Bench Winery. I’d call them the First Couple of the Warehouse District because they’ve been around for almost ten years, their wine labels have not changed in style and familiarity, their wine selection is broad enough for a small winery, and it’s just a fun place to chill.

However, every now and then, Jeff will smack one out of the park at will, ala Ichiro Suzuki. Jeff’s first dinger was formerly a one-time deal, 2007 syrah. You can read about the raves on an earlier post as that syrah gave Betz’s La- syrahs a run for the gold. Update: Jeff released the sequel with a 2012 version from slightly different sources that is still a wonderful weekend impresser.

Jeff’s ‘Snowflake’ has been around every year, quietly leading off the tasting experience at his former tasting/winery studio in the B-wing. Let’s be honest, the previous Snowflakes were simply gateway drugs to get to his red blends. Unassuming like the girl-next-door. Sometimes a little spritzy like an Ecstasy doll. Not so desirable like the four-eyed 4.0 girl in the front row that dressed like she ran through a box of Goodwill leftovers. The Chaleur Estate blanc’s distant third cousin. The wine that no one talked about but everyone knew was there.

Not anymore.

At a recent tasting, I was admittedly looking to collect some reds for the harvest dinners and was prepared to blast through the lineup to get to them. Mission failed. A first swirl then a sniff and something went haywire in the olfactories. The initial aromas were complex and captivating– tropical fruits, southern citrus, earthy, rocky, and firm. Everything I look for in a Washington white wine. I had to look at the bottle again, making sure Sheila didn’t slip in a sau-sem from another producer as a joke. But, Sheila never jokes when it comes to wine. She is elegant, discreet, and easy to chat with. A few sips and my initial impressions were confirmed. And I left with a few more bottles in tow. As for the rest of the lineup, it was a blur. Even the syrah.

Consider this wine for your starter on Thanksgiving night, right next to the Cristal.

Tasted at 51-63 degrees on the IR temp gun. Lovely light gold foil in the Riedel with penetrating aromas of guava, peach, grapefruit, fig, mountain apple, lemon rind, lime pulp, and granite backed up by zippy acids and fairly long on the palate. Delightful!

Alcohol: 14.73%. Vineyards: Bacchus, Dionysus. 100% stainless fermented. 2/3s sauvignon blanc, 1/3 semillon. 90 cases. Columbia Valley AVA. Power: 3/5. Balance: 3/5. Depth: 3/5. Finesse: 3/5. Rated: 92. Value: $28. Music pairing: “Cool For The Summer” by Demi Lovato. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.

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David James Cellars 2013 Columbia Valley cabernet sauvignon

Hey yah, just got back from a wild party in North Korea shooting rpg’s for fun. At least, it was better than you foolish Seahawk fans wasting over 3 hours (and a 17 point lead in the 4th quarter) to view dem Bengals win a game by ricocheting a field goal through. This season will be pure misery because them Seachickens traded away their offensive line for a third tight end who caught 3 passes for a total of 30 yards. Makes you wonder if Howard Lincoln had a role in building this year’s NFL version of the lowly Mariners…

Instead of foraging the blotter for material, let’s go to some wine retard’s social media feed for idiot fodder… Let’s see, good ol’ Sean squealed how happy he was to celebrate John Lennon’s 75th birthday. Somebody tell the cleft-lipped nutjob that the hippie’s been dead for some 35 years. And, oh look!, he discovered a riesling that pairs well with pie… his boyfriend’s hair pie? And while we are here, let’s check in to Shona’s newsfeed… well, look at that… Shona supports keeping a breast. As well she should, she has three of them if you count that flabby pouch in her midsection. This plump wine leech will still do anything for free wine and lamb chops while on state assistance. Speaking of old fatties, let’s stroll on over to MarGot’s Write Bullshit For Wine feed… oh look, she wants her followers to run (don’t walk) to buy tickets for the Taste of Outlet Mall. I mean, why not?, since the tickets are purchased online, it makes total sense to run to your phone. But, you know what’s so funny about these fucktards? They stopped hooting for Columbia Winery. Not that that’s a problem, mind you, but it further fortifies the “play for pay” structure these meely mouthed wine scabs abide by. It’s what you don’t do that can define your place in the blogosphere.

Don’t bother Bing-ing David James as you’re likely to receive links to some toothless bus driver schlocking clueless wine aficionados around the Napa Valley. Our David James of his eponymous winery is none other than 48 year-old Dave Minick who started his Willow Crest Winery back in 1995. Dave’s a third-generation farmer (as duly noted on his wine label) out in Prosser who loves his white wines, particularly riesling and pinot gris, and owns a 200-acre Roza vineyard, planted in 1982. He later partnered with Precept Wines and brought on consulting winemaker Ron Bunnell so he could focus on his vineyard directorship for Precept. He’s one of those vineyard owners who learned the winemaking craft from the many conversations he had with more established winemakers who bought his grapes. And according to Ms. Stephens, “David James,” the trademark for alcoholic beverages (not including beers), is owned by Willow Crest Wine Estates. Not that you cared…

So like, what the hell? There’s no winery website that you can easily find. There’s no mention of ownership. Not a single wine blogger picked up on this before this posting. The label is as plain-Jane as anything. Who is this wine being marketed to? When the front label lacks a pizazz graphic and “THIRD GENERATION FARMER” is clearly listed under the varietal, you’d have to think only a Washington insider would dare scoop up this bottle. Point.

This wine is made by a hardcore farmer from Washington with deep roots in his central Washington community. He takes bountiful pride is his expertise as a farmer and locally-known winemaker. Although he has no wine pedigree like a Bob Betz, this gentleman knows how to craft a solid, professional wine because he has full control from vine to wine. This is a wine that screams “locals only” as a gift to the state’s citizens. While the superficial wine bloggers are hollering about the latest Walla Walla overpriced syrah, this blog continues to support the low-profile wineries and wines because the product they make forms the backbone of the wine industry so that the high-flyers like the Quilceda Creeks, the DeLille Cellars, the Betz Family Winery, etc. can prove to the world that Washington wines are to be reckoned with. This state’s wine industry stands on the toes of the little guys so that we can say that top-to-bottom, popular-to-obscure, Washington wines are a superior product and a great value.

A well-sculpted cabernet from the Columbia Valley vineyards with dark character in black cherry, blackberry, black licorice, and raw earth under the clean magenta blanket in the Riedel. Firm and steady on the palate with a lingering, pristine residence.

Alcohol: 13.5%. Not a lot of cases. 89% cabernet sauvignon, 10% merlot, 1% malbec. Power: 2/5. Balance: 2/5. Depth: 3/5. Finesse: 2/5. Rated: 89. Value: $20. Music pairing: “What You Don’t Do” by Lianne La Havas. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.

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Ashan Cellars 2013 Columbia Valley chardonnay

A lot of strange quotes from local social media bloggers lately. Must be the change in seasons…

After looking at her extra fat face on a Twitter post–
Chris: “Are you pregnant?”
Shona: “Um no.”

A sign in the bathroom at Kealla Winery’s tasting room:
“Enter as strangers, leave as friends”

Sean posted a selfie with his eyes closed–
“My face when I’m moaning and thinking about Paul. #pleasure”

MarGot posting a selfie on Instagram:
“Love my hair today. Hate why I’m dressed up. #funeral”

Then, there’s Paul Gutless who took out a billboard on Wallingford Ave. N:
“All I Want For Christmas Is A 40-Something College Dropout Whitey From Boston Who Thinks He Knows Wine.”

Been a crazy two weeks with a recent visit by the leader of a one-party nation that suppresses free speech. Then came the announcement that my homeboy, Yogi Berra, passed away. If you don’t know who he was, just remember him as the greatest catcher in baseball ever to play the game. If your favorite catcher is Johnny Bench, Mike Piazza, Jason Varitek, or Ivan Rodriguez… you don’t know baseball, dood. Millenials may know the man for his Yogi-isms, but then again, millenials are also into buying 400 sq. ft. “homes” in the city for $200,000+. My ex-gf’s twat was larger than that (and just as expensive).

Heard around Woodinville: Lou Facelli of his own winery is retiring. He is selling his remaining stock as well as his operations and will retire to a pastural villa near Tuscany. Salute, Louie!

Also, word’s out that Betz’s $135 cabernet sold out so completely that no one was able to score a tasting at the recent release party. But, don’t worry, readers… this blog is in negotiations to acquire a bottle from a source of unknown provenance. Stay tuned. The question to you is… review this now or when the winery says the wine has hit it’s peak drinking window?

What is going on with the “new” Columbia Winery lately? The tasting fee costs more than half of the old lineup of full wine bottles. The patrons are mostly tourists who have no clue what a great wine tastes like, and there’s live music down in the barrel room. And, the prices of the wines are on par with the better local wineries. What gives? A recent tasting showed that the wines are still the same old ten-dollar mehs. Is it sentimental to suggest that we miss the old Chateau-Columbia rivalry? Looks like the Chat outlasted its rival on this one. Oh Chat…

Ashan Cellars sells a trio of single-vineyard chardonnays at $45. Keep your comments to yourself but we all know… This one’s done in stainless with a Stelvin cap and can be found under $15 at finer wine stores in the area. Why winemakers want to embrace California-priced chardonnay here is beyond any reasonable wine consumer’s sensibilities. Maybe they’re bored with making great reds? Maybe they’re showing up all those Napa Valley tourists. Or maybe, we have an ego problem of inferiority. Who cares? If nutjobs want to part with $500 for one bottle of cabernet, then let them. Those who think California wines are the end-all likely sport two-inch pricks and store kiddie porn on their tower pc’s.

Delightful with Ezell’s original fried chicken.

Tasted at 58-61 degrees on the IR temp gun. Bright light straw with a full-bodied spectrum of zesty, spiny, and glowing fruit. Grapefruit, pear, banana, apple, orange zest, minerally bubbles, and quiet lemon.

Alcohol: 13.5%. Hundreds of cases. Perfect for the summer days and autumn evenings. Power: 2/5. Balance: 2/5. Depth: 3/5. Finesse: 2/5. Rated: 89. Value: $20. Music pairing: “Macho Man” by Village People. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.

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