It’s Washington Wine Month as declared by the half-wits and inbreds over at the flimsy marketing consortium known as the Commission so you know what that means? Grimy supermarkets selling their old stock at “sale” prices they should have been selling them at five years ago. “Fixed” wineries dropping their tasting room prices so that locals don’t have to pay tourist prices. And, local wine bloggers shamelessly grabbing exposure moments to increase their website views.
Cases in point.
Sean Sillyvain was on his way back from blackmailing Lake Chelan wineries into giving up their shitty rieslings when he decided to take a skinny dip in the Columbia River. The next day, the state Ecology Department posted on their blog that they were called to Wenatchee to contain a noticeable “oil sheen” that smelled of diesel and shit.
Locally, Paul Gutless was schlepping his leftover book collection at eastside wine retailers when a few days later, King County Disease Patrol had a couple cases of hantavirus on their hands. We do have to vouch for the Gutless Wonder who has since retreated to Facebook tweets on wines he is paid to review glowingly that hantavirus is transmitted by the inhalation of deer mouse droppings. Paul may look like a beady-eyed scrawny rat but he is really a carcass-feeding vulture who preys on wineries that can’t sell their overpriced plonk.
Finally, there’s MarGot who bloats of writing for wine but really just drinks leftovers from other peep’s glasses at the Efeste tasting room.. Welp, she and her side cock (that’s a male mistress to you naïve readers) dined at a south Lake Union whole natural food store before dishing a talk full of lies at Amazonia HQ. Later that week, King County officials announced that a measles outbreak in that area had potentially infected all the lazy asses that work there. It was rumored that Sean ran to the Bartells there to get his penicillin shot… just because he likes getting penicillin shots, especially by young male druggists who make less than he does. (Hint: he likes to be on top, according to his ex-boyfriend)
Isn’t that a great way to celebrate Washington Wine Month in the home state? Measles. Hantavirus. Contaminated river. Can’t wait to meet the commissioners at the wine orgy known as Tasteless Washington.
For my group, I recently popped open a 2008 vintage red wine from this winery and immediately upon opening, there was this goopy sludge residue clinging to the finish inside the neck of the bottle. This gluggy, purple snot-like substance may startle Ivanka-wannabes at first, but rest assured, the contents of this wine slug are really nothing more than dead yeast cells, multi-chained polyphenols, leftover stems and other detritus from the vineyard, and/or crunchy tartaric acid crystals. And, wine blogger scabs. This usually results in a fine sediment that, while innocuous, leaves the appearance of the wine-in-glass less than desirable and really, it doesn’t taste all that great. Neophytes, fact tip: older, crusty wines tend to “throw sediment.” That means upon pouring the wine into your honey’s glass, it may look cloudy, chunky, or even leave an audible sound of a “chink” as the solid particulate bumps against the 24-percent lead oxide.
Does this menace-to-your-future-boning-session jeopardize a potentially wasted Viagra pill? No. Rest assured, the wine itself may turn cloudy or may taste a bit gritty, but your late-night aerobic activity will take place as scheduled.
And, why do such wines have this sediment in their wines? Well, Nermal, some winemakers choose to not fine or filter their wines. Others store their wines at a colder temperature which can precipitate this thing called potassium bitartrate crystals, aka “wine diamonds.” The thinking behind this is the residue adds to the complex flavor profile. Personally, we don’t care if a wine has mossy Pop Rocks in it. As long as it tastes good and there’s more, it’s fine with us.
Continuing on with our recommended wine stops in the Woodinville warehouse district, Davenport Cellars is, without a doubt now, a must-visit. The new confines invite most modestly-sized parties to their expansive tasting room/lodge and even offers tasty morsels of nummy appetizers from the catering kitchen.
But all that is secondary to the wines and the Jirkas now have a most formidable lineup of compelling wines that rival the best in the area. We couldn’t say this a few years ago, but Jeff and Sheila have been persistent in their mastery of Washington winemaking and you can now taste the varied and delectable products of their advanced training.
The winery/tasting room is a regular host to fascinating musical acts and periodically hosts an elaborate dinner paired with the home field wines. Bring a few friends over and sit by the fireside or play some board games with your gal pals.
A quick word about Snowflake… this wine gets better every year. The great string of vintages in Washington, starting in 2012, continues and shines with this latest expression from the Bacchus and Dionysus Vineyards. This gem has your number.
Great with seafood, Chinese food, charcuterie, and a skinny white woman.
Tasted at 50-61 degrees on the IR temp gun. Metallic banana gold in the Riedel with hypnotic notes of guava, pink grapefruit, and Granny Smith apple. Firm acid bite and medium bodied. 11 seconds on the palate. Steely with peach, lychee, lemon rind, nectarine and Gasworks Park grass.
Alcohol: 14.6%. Columbia Valley AVA. 99 cases. Sex meter: you’ll get it. Power: 3/5. Balance: 3/5. Depth: 3/5. Finesse: 3/5. Rated: 92. Value: $28. Music pairing: “Got Your Number” by Serena Ryder. This is WAwineman… uncorked, uneducated but not uncouth.